mental health day was totally necessary today. yesterday my phone would not stop ringing. i am working on compiling paperwork for four giant lawsuits. my coworkers noticed my snarkiness and commented on the same…

even though i left the office on time (read: after 8 hours) which is highly unusual, by the time i got home i could feel the tension in the form of sharp pains from the base of my skull all the way down to my feet, and in every joint and muscle in between. i literally curled up in my bed and cried for boy to please just touch my shoulders.

my best friend is generally much sharper and less trusting than i am. yesterday she uncovered what looks suspiciously like the same thing we did two years ago, where management asks us to train somebody while telling us they won’t take our jobs, and then they take our jobs. she blind copied me on an email to someone else pointing this out to them and then called me to talk about it. while i am totally glad that she realized this because i am not that bright, it was that for sure that killed my entire day and gave me all the stress pains. boy didn’t know what the hell was the matter with me, and i could barely speak through the tears enough to tell him. i feel guilty for being terrified and acting traumatized by the downsizing thing; i was one of the lucky ones who managed to transfer elsewhere within the company. but then maybe the people who got laid off are really the lucky ones – they got a nice sev package AND they could close the book on the company. my best friend and i on the other hand moved for temporary safety, but it’s now looking like we could be exposed and vulnerable any minute. which puts us back in the same boat as the other people, but with two years lost and nothing to show for it…

fucking outsourcing.