yes they are. yup yup yup.

my aunt with the computer problem wanted a new one, a PC, and charged boy and boy2 to help her find a good one for under $1000. no problem, says me, she is not a hardcore gamer or a graphic designer or or or. she just wants to check her email and look at pictures of her grandkids etc. i’m thinking dell or gateway for under $600 which will make her real happy.

but the BOYS have to do it. and boy2 finds a coupon for 30% off a machine of $1000 or more. so he specs up a good machine and comes up with $850 after the coupon. boy2 is not satisfied with this at all because there must be a 19″ instead of a 17″ and there must be a whole gig of memory instead of just 512 and the speakers must have subwoofers!! (on this point boy1 and boy2 are in agreement)

all the while boy is declaring that he could build a machine himself for half the price. which he could because he does know how. however he is usually so overcommitted to helping everyone in his family do everything that his queue is full and his energy is low and it will honestly be next summer before it gets done. there is a time when convenience is worth the money dammit!

in the end they went up to $1200 even with the coupon….

and the last thing boy can say to me is “don’t ever argue with me about hardware again”…

i never have anything interesting to say about anything.

i blame the mental disorders. folks without them will never understand.

i wonder… i made this choice to not be flakey starving artist. so now i slave away at an office job and support my starving artist friends.

i am a chump. god damnit.

actually i would like to find out what he likes from ME. not what he used to like from you.
ho!ho! HO!

serves me for taking a sex class from his ex.

emergency rooms and icu, people dying, marriages destroyed, seriously injured babies, sneak attacks by crippling debt, social workers and cops and little kids refusing to speak to their parents.

that pretty much sums up my christmas this year.

clearly you are new around here. thank you for your input; however, let me bring you up to speed.

you are correct that i don’t understand macs. however, i did not buy one because i wanted one; it came with my tuition – my graphic design tuition.

people “like me” who “don’t really know that much about computers at all in such great frequency” frustrate me too, since i worked tech support for nearly five years.

i do not blame customer relations for everything; in fact, i readily took the blame on myself for not reading the fine print. but my rep was not satisfied with that, he had to point out that the print “wasn’t actually THAT fine”… i was irritated with his attitude more than anything.

the reason my original tech support agent figured out that it was a format problem was because i told her that i had an ibook. she said right away, “oh, well then you don’t have a dvd drive, that’s the problem.” so it sounded to me like ibooks did not come standard with dvd drives, although i think that powerbook G4s did. even the cheapest windows machines have come with a dvd-r standard for a couple of years now. apple could also have just made tiger downloadable, as many companies do (norton, etc.), and avoided this problem completely. (microsoft could do this too.) also, microsoft.com sells XP on a CD, not on DVD.

i realize that mac and windows are far different, and this is one of the things i am lamenting. put simply, macs are just too normal and easy for those of us who learned everything we know (and can troubleshoot problems on) windows. it is like growing up in a town where the highway system is complicated and backwards and then moving to manhattan, where all the streets are nicely numbered and the addresses make sense.

i did put in two years of time learning graphic design on an ibook. that was a long time ago, and i do not have time any longer to learn anything not related to my primary OS, which is windows. my ibook was a pretty paperweight before i gave it to my aunt.

i don’t really give a shit if people turn away from macs or not… that is simply not my problem. however, i have worked in customer service/tech support/customer relations for the last TEN YEARS, and i know how to talk to a customer so that he or she does not feel like an asshole when i am done. do you?

you are wrong – i would not pay $300 to upgrade to winXP when i could simply buy a new machine for $400 that already had it pre-loaded.

merry christmas

i am going to start a customer service blog, i swear it. someday. just so i can post crap like this.

i worked in customer service for ten years. my mother was a customer service manager in the financial sector. she drilled customer service stuff into my head just by example when i was in my formative years.

one crucial difference: she is a virgo and stands up for herself. i am not and do not and will never. usually. (phone companies are the sole exception to this rule for various historical reasons.)

i have an iBook that i never use anymore. it is old and slow and i don’t like macs (shut up you mac freaks, that is not the point here). i took all my shit off of it and gave it to my aunt who did not have a computer and needed one desperately. not too smart, given the fact that i have years of experience troubleshooting windows, but i have to go online to find out how to uninstall a program on a mac. because she WILL call me when the iBook breaks.

and she did.

she wanted to check her AOL mail on the web, so I show her how to open IE5, which is what my iBook has. AOL’s site says “come back when you have a better browser, asshole”.

me: fine, how about IE6?
internet: not for mac os9 you don’t!
me: okay, how about firefox? i love firefox.
internet: try again.
me: ummmmmm… i heard great things about safari?
internet: mac osX please.
me: grumble grumble. fine, i will upgrade to osX.
apple: click here to order for only $129.00
me: what? no instant download? only a disc in the mail??? grrr. fine. *click*caching*

the disc comes in the mail and i am excited because it is black and scary and it is called TIGER. rowwwwwwwwr!! let’s load this shit and get my aunt off my phone every day (”is it here yet?”).

me: load osX please.
iBook: i don’t know what you want to do.
me: i said, load osX.
iBook: i don’t understand that.
me: um, READ THE DISC.
iBook: what disc?
me: THIS disc.
iBook: ohhhhhh, that disc. should i format that disc? formatting will delete everything on it.
me: nooooooooooo!

tech support: may i help you?
me: my iBook doesn’t like the disc. it wants to delete it.
ts: iBooks don’t read DVDs, only CDs.
me: huh?
ts: you can exchange your DVD for a CD.
me: sigh. how?
ts: download this form and pay $9.95 more for taxes and mail it in. they will send you a postage-paid box to return the DVD along with osX on CD.
me: grumble grumble. *download*pay*mail*

letter from apple tech support: you forgot to include the DVD, we need that first.

tech support: you have to send in the DVD first.
me: that is not what i was told.
ts: you could talk to customer relations. they are open for twenty more minutes.
me: *holding for 30 minutes*hanging up*giving up*

after my third phone call to try and get customer relations i finally got someone named anthony. he was snippy from the start.

me: nobody asked me if i wanted a DVD or a CD.
anthony: if you look on the order page, there is a list of system requirements…
me: yeah okay, i know, most customers don’t read the fine print, that’s my fault.
anthony: well the print isn’t actually THAT fine…
me: OKAY, i will take the hit on that one. i just think it would be nice if you offered the option of a CD format on the order page.
anthony: well CDs are very expensive to produce, most of our customers have at least a DVD drive.
me: oh, so you didn’t sell many iBooks then?
anthony: we actually sold quite a few of them.
me: well i don’t understand why i have to pay to ship this back when tech support told me you would send me a postage-paid box.
anthony: as a one-time exception i could send you the disc for free if you will mail back the DVD.
me: i already gave my credit card for the extra taxes, i just don’t want the hassle and cost of mailing this thing back to you! can’t you just send me a box??
anthony: it is actually easier for me to just send you the disc for free.
me: fine, whatever.
anthony: call them and tell them not to charge your credit card.
me: yargh.
anthony: and if the disc doesn’t get to you by say end of next week, just shoot me an e-mail.
me: grumble grumble.

he was really kind of snide and had to have the last word on fucking EVERYTHING. like me in my prime on my worst customer service day ever. which i will share with you, since you asked.

i had been on a tech support call for 20 minutes, apologizing and agreeing with the customer that the website was deficient and offering alternate solutions to get her what she wanted. she just did not give a shit about solving the problem, and my call queue was WAY backed up. so i decided to end the call.

lady: so what you’re saying is that you don’t want my money?
me (in end-call mode): yes ma’am, that’s exactly what i said. didn’t you hear me?
lady (screaming): WHAT?? i want your supervisor’s name and phone number!!!!!!!!!
me: here is the information you requested. is there anything else i can help you with?
lady: *click*

she never did contact my supervisor, who i told about my call-end tactic. she got a big chuckle and probably would have written up someone who wasn’t me.

my point here is that based on this anthony character and the annoyance of apple’s “media exchange program”, along with the idiocy of the mac system, i will NEVER buy a mac again.

sharing a computer with boy/any version of windows that has mandatory profiles for each user. why you ask?

because he uninstalled iTunes which foococked ALL OF THOSE TRACKS that i paid $.99 for; now my media player cannot find them somehow.

because he changed the default image editor to be some nero program instead of what it rightfully should be, photoshop cs (i have a certification in graphic design, hellooooooooooo).

because zonealarm now locks all internet activity after 5 minutes of idle time and i keep forgetting.

stop fucking with me!!

i haven’t been posting or checking blog stats in so long that i totally just realized sitemeter added all kinds of nifty geographic location-tracking stats! a graphical map of hits and so forth.

girls: do you realize we have visitors from finland, egypt, australia, morocco, belgium, saudi arabia, germany, the uk, turkey, india, korea, croatia, bosnia-herzegovinia, etc.???

that is SO fucking cool. you guys should all totally say hi, however you say it where you are from.

is that apparently alcohol makes me more forward and multi-orgasmic.

so another round then, right?

the other night i tied on a few. only a few. because we knew the bartender. there is a drink i really like, it is called a sicilian kiss. it is half amaretto and half southern comfort. i drink it as a shot because i drink everything as a shot. because shots are all i love in this world…

so there was a private party at the bar but we didn’t know that. so we went over there after dinner and even though they were checking names bartender got us in. he served us for two hours on the party’s tab, which i felt kind of crappy about. but he told me to shut up because there was nothing better than free drinks.

boy was with me and he stepped out to smoke (i stayed in to keep our spots at the very busy bar). i hate not being able to smoke in a bar anymore, it is fucking blasphemy!! however while i was pondering my next shot, this olderish guy came up next to me and ordered a drink (where boy used to be sitting). he kept turning his head to look at me while waiting for his drink. i totally ignored him and kept my eyes on the football game (which i was actually watching but it was a commercial). he leaned over and touched his shoulder to mine (don’t do that unless you are my friend). and he went, “whatcha watching?” and i went “denver and buffalo.” and he went “is it INTERESTING?” like as if he didn’t believe that i actually like football (everyone knows it is too complicated for silly little girls) and i said “YEAH.” and after that he got his drink and left, and then boy came back. and i was so glad that i squeezed his thigh for like ten minutes and nuzzled his neck too.

i managed to catch a light buzz after like five mixed drinks and six shots. it took a long time for some reason, usually i am way cheaper than that.

we went home and watched the other game, the one i tivo’d earlier in the night. but then i distracted boy by pretzeling him with my legs and breathing on his neck. and it was way more fun than football….

usually he gets off twice and then i get off once. this is not because he is selfish; it is more because (as i have stated before) when i am done, i am usually DONE. like it annoys me physically to have any more, so i save it up for one big hurrah and then call it quits. but not this night…

i actually got off three times in the act. then i tried for a fourth and it didn’t work out right away, so boy went to go get a drink. while he was gone, it did work out, and he came back to me writhing and screaming (without him). and he watched and was like “wow, was that four?”

and all i could do was gasp for air.

i took a three-day business trip with like four hundred of my colleagues. i met people and even liked some of them.

i did not drink myself into a stupor nor embarrass myself.

YAY!!

you don’t understand, this is a serious accomplishment for me…

i am such a water sign in so many ways. i totally adapt my speech and accent to the situation. like if i talk to someone from back home, i slip right back into the southern drawl that I NEVER HAD TO BEGIN WITH… i have seen miracles worked and men fall to their knees at the feet of my mother, who is the epitome of a genteel southern belle. it is really damn easy to get whatever i want when i talk that way.

when i am home though, with all these yankees who speak so aggressively, i tend to do it too. for a long time i didn’t but then i realized that they can’t actually HEAR anyone who doesn’t yell and sound angry all the time. this generally results in me sounding like i am stark raving mad about teeny tiny things and sometimes i have to check myself (though nobody around me seems to notice).

also i have noticed that at work i have this tendency to sort of figure out someone’s neurotic sticking points and just let them have whatever they want. it’s a very wise picking of battles kind of thing and leads to me being pretty well-liked by those around me. however the big problem with this is that i simply can NOT apply this to my personal life… at home i am a control freak and must be right all the time. possibly this is because i give too much to people at work??

i am truly a creature of comfort though. water signs tend to be very adaptable, and where my living/working situation is concerned, anything where there is a habit (smoking, cursing, etc.) i am pretty much an asino.

it is kind of weird being a contradiction in terms like that. it actually keeps me awake nights because i want so badly to be able to just CLASSIFY myself. that comes from high school clique angst, i just know it (girls, back me up on that one).

i never did realize how truly dirty a COOKING show can sound, if you just close your eyes and listen to the dialogue…

hee.

one time i wrote something dirty about santa claus. and it was like fucking crickets out there… nobody responded at ALL i think which is worse than even bad responses…

i still would totally fuck santa though. given the chance, i mean.

I like this girl’s blog
Been reading it for two years
You will like it too:

under her thumb

you’re all wishing emmie would get on here and post something interesting about sex.

me too.

not feeling festive at all.

really the best thing to do is to become a hermit. if i cant say anything to anyone no one can be pissed at me or offended.

if you turn a light in a room on where someone is sitting and watching a movie and then you leave with out tuning th elight off and the person watching to movie asks you to turn it off… do you get pissed at the watching person?

i hate it when people need constnat approval.like how many time a day do i have to smile and nod and say good job? unless your like 3 years old you better not need that shit from me.

i’m feeling quite helpless and sad this morning. its not a good way to wake up i’ll tell you.

i’m in a rut and my brain is not functioning as i would wish it. i cant tell if it’s it me or if he is just a prick. and when i think that i get pissed even more because listen, if we get in a fight and i SAY that. dthen immedietly all the onous is on me. it immedietly makes everything me and my brains fault.

i am willing to admit some part fault. but not all of it?! that is just not correct.

i just cant ever seem to break even. i’m getting more and more paranoid, nervous, anxious, angry and sad.

it is clearly time to break into the meds.

but to be honest. i know why i havent broken into them before. it’s because every time i mention it. he start talking about how good exercise is for you and how it helps make you feel better. and also eating right, it helps with depression did you know?

yes fucko i did know that. also meds help too.

i want to say, yes i know you had a bad experience with meds. i know about it. you told me. i sympathize with that experience. but your experience isnt mine. can you please just be supportive of me right now?

her: when are you going to make me _______

me: well i could make you a small ________

her: well, i dont want that.

me:(offended and thinking) well FUCK! excuse me for not spending every moment of every day making shit for you!!!

i wonder why people who want gender reasignment always go for a STEREOTYPE of gender-ness.
a boy who feels like he should have been borna girl because he is not loud or violent but soft and nice and colorful and frilly clothing? wha?
i am a girl who feels okay withhving been borna girl. yet i am violent, loud, hate colorful and frilly clothing.

why are those reasons?

other pathetic people are sympathetic? why not me?

i was reading something and that phrase “she just lies there” came up.

now what exactly does that mean anyway?

if you think about it, if you are a small girl and some huge guy is on top of you pumping away it’s pretty hard to do a lot of moving. y aknow?

so what exactly does that phrase mean?

i’ve been really digging on 69 lately.

it’s so very very dirty!!

i am very unhappy with myself right now. i feel like a non-person.

like an asskisser. or a grump. neither is good.

i wish i was a different person right now.

i also wish i was some how a sympathetic character.

noticed that al lot of peoples motivation stmes from old high school anxieties?
it bugs me when i suddenly realize that about someone.

the stero type would be the skinny kid in high school who as an adult works out a lot to build up muscle and is now huge.

the one i encounter quite a lot are the the people who were nerds in high school and now seem to be over compensating

i’m not talking about people i knew in high school. although there is that one… but i’m talking about people who i am friends with or know now. they identified or were labeled nerds. and now they expend a lot of energy to know ing whats current and cool.

i guess i am not condeming that in anyway.

maybe there are people out there who were labeled dumb in high school who are now winning the nobel prize and discovering cures. like how albert einstin was told by a teacher that he should give up on school.

i think what i actually envy about these people is that at least they have some kind of thing driving them. it might be uncouncous.

i need some goals. some drive.

i feel like my younger self was deprived of the proper world view that would have shown me so many possiblities.

i get stuck on little things. people who get stuck on little things never get anything big done. and a bunch of random little things does not a big thing make.

now why do i feel like i have to accomplish a big thing?

clearly i need more coffee this morning.

sometimes i wish someone would expend some effort in an attempt to be friends with me. the past couple of weeks i made a huge effort to reach out ato a couple people.it was hard for me. and i got nothing in return. and now i feel sort of bad and like i suck. and like no one likes me. and that i am totally weird and uninteresting.
god damn it is a terrible feeling.

still! i was really hoping to be friends with that one girl. i so need a good girlfriend close by. and she seemed so similar to me. we hung out that once for like an hour. i proabably came off like a total tool or something. ugh.