I went grocery shopping braless this afternoon. Probably doesn’t count as hot as I was wearing a fully zippered winter coat. Still in the throes of recovering from Sad Ending Book so I’ve been reading this erotic book to ease the poignancy.

Problem: it’s not very uhh, erotic. I mean, maybe if you haven’t gotten off in two weeks it might be ok. But I’m halfway done and there’ve been no rapes, dogs, orgies, or vampires. The best story involves a mermaid’s nipple clits as mermaids have no cunt merely smell like one, apparently.

Conclusion: dissatisfied.

Solution: I need a boyfriend. Send some Awesome Boyfriend thoughts my way, please? I’m so sick of jerks and crying and wasted time. Stress the Awesome part.

My mind’s been totally destroyed by the sad ending of a book.

God it was good.

there is much to be done. i am going to tackle it a little at a time. baby steps…

please bear with us if 404s happen while i am changing servers/repropagating IPs, etc.

thx ever so much!

(promise to start posting more!)

Some lovely, pretty, girly art options, aka, new shit to look at (right click, set as wallpaper, of course):

one
two
three
four
five
six
seven

Bonus pics I found and had to share:

one
two
three
four (this one is just craaazy!)
five (and one silly bikini one)

Enjoy the week ahead!

I amaze myself sometimes. I lie to my mother about like, what time I woke up yesterday morning yet I’ll tell the complete, absolute truth on a two page internet quiz about Which Harry Potter House Do You Belong In?

So, hypothetically (by which I mean, happening to someone I know but not to me personally), how many yeast infections from sex should a girl put up with before she dumps the guy?

I would say two.

Presuming she really likes him, getting a third yeast infection would be the breaking point, right? Perhaps a wiser girl would say zero. I mean, who is this guy, so careless, so clueless?

Bleh. Sometimes I’m glad I’m single.

I thought I saw the forever-unreleased Prozac Nation available on pay per view or something last week. Then today this article indeed confirmed that there’d be no theatre release, just a slumpy TVing of a choppy movie that I don’t even want to see that much anymore. The slate article’s good though.

When my friend sends me mp3s he thinks I might like he includes notes like this:

“The truckers were men of principle, or so we thought. As it turned out, they just didn’t want to break hymens because they didn’t like hurting someone in that situation. And so, flashlights became lords of whaling.”

I love the future when I can upload my brain and hang out with him and all these other people I talk to but don’t know if they bend down to pick things up or simply bring their toes to their hands.

I’d date a Christian way before I’d date a Republican and I’ve made out with more white girls than black guys.

I couldn’t date someone who crushes crackers into their soup or throws away the milk from their cereal.

I couldn’t date a guy who watches only cartoons: especially those guys who only watch Cartoon Network.

Conversely, there’s so much awesome on TV right now I’d absolutely die if I met a cool guy and he said he didn’t watch TV. Veronica Mars! Arrested Development! The Daily Show! It’s all soooo good! Fuck, you want to impress a hot girl at a bar, start talking about The OC.

I love the quote, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.”

Yes, everyone wants to make out with Brad Pitt always and forever but my friends always surprise me by thinking someone like Paul Rudd or Adrien Brody is the sex.

And sometimes just walking around on a Saturday afternoon I’ll see like 15 guys who’re hotter than any movie star; same goes for chicks. Hollywood should send casting directors to hang out in coffee shops in Atlanta or Detroit or Denver or anyplace other than NY/LA because they’re totally missing out.

Finally though, I’m incredibly tired of trying to like someone. I’d love to meet someone whom I like straight off, just really genuinely like, you know?

No NY Times Sunday edition for me; I’m going to pick up a copy of J-14 tomorrow after reading this.

Highlights for those too lazy to click:

“[J-14] is the only teen title to feature multiple cover subjects; the March cover features 11 different celebrities, crudely Photoshopped into a veritable Mt. Rushmore of multiracial teen idolhood.”

!

“For better or worse, the classier teen magazines seem to have qualms about running endless stories on Ashlee Simpson’s fear of public urination; J-14 does not.”

!!!!!!

Oh man there’s nothing like reading about celebrities to make me feel my own life is far less fucked up than their’s, yet absolutely, totally worse about walking around in my unphotoshopped body and pore-speckled face.

Oh well. At least I can leave the house looking and feeling like shit and no one will take pics of me and post them online.

Life is shit so I’m washing all my blankets. Maybe things will get better if I flip my mattress, maybe.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where all you seem to do is clean and sleep and do laundry and wear ugly laundry day clothes and somehow it’s only Wednesday? If I wasn’t broke I’d totally buy myself something. Probably these lovely wedges. They’re so pretty I could go clubbing on top of clouds in them.

UPDATED!

Goddamnit, they’re sold out in size 6. Even if I wanted them I couldn’t get them. hahaha oh man, this is the shittiest week!

Jessica Alba’s men.style.com interview promoting the hottest trailer* in years, Sin City. It’s not a bad article and refreshingly they didn’t airbrush her stretchmarks out of the pics:

“Your jeans are too tight! You’re tempting me!”

*I mean, movie.

Do guys notice the slight, monthly increase in our breast volume? To me it feels like a tender, massive difference but do they? Maybe they notice but they’re too scared to say anything due to PMS.

Hypothetical scenario one:

Girlfriend- “Hey, do my breasts look a little bigger than usual to you?”
Boyfriend- “Gahhh…boobies.”
Girlfriend- “I fucking hate you.”

Hypothetical scenario two:

Girlfriend- “Hey, do my breasts look a little bigger than usual to you?”
Boyfriend- “No sweetie, they look perfect.”
Girlfriend- “Ok.”

Anyway, my boobies hurt.

It’s snowy and grey a lot of places today including here, but I smell soft and warm like the beach in early June.

I am in love with this new perfume. I was sick and coughy and bored around the house last week so I ordered some new spring makeup and whatnot. I picked up the Vanille Coco on a whim and it’s become my favorite thing I’ve ordered.

They also sent along a sniffy sample of Sud Pacifique’s Fleurs Des Caraibes and that smells really good too so I’m going to get that one next. God I love new perfumes.

I was so freaking jealous of DJ’s hair. My mom wouldn’t let me get a wavy perm, or buy me a stonewashed jean jacket, or have a loud-mouthed, lezzie best friend. Sigh. I’m going to relive my pain tonight at 8 by watching The Full House E! True Hollywood Story.

Test your Full House knowledge with this quiz.

Enjoy some memorable (read: lame) Full House quotes here.

Look at DJ, aka Candance Cameron now . Awww man, that’s a pretty cute pic. Her website is here.

The Full House E! True Hollywood story replays:
Mar. 13, 11 p.m.
Mar. 20, 5 p.m.
Mar. 26, 8 p.m

i just looked at janes link to rachel bilson. who is that girl? she is SO CUTE!!! i want to hug her and squeeze her and kiss her and put her in my pocket. also i want that cute green frock she has on. i will pay much money for that dress. do i have to go the drug store and sneak a peak at teen cosmo or whatever?

seriously. where can i buy that dress?!

speaking of fucking totally cute dresses…

here’s one

the other day i said to my SO, “sorority girl types do not like a dry sense of humor”.

he paused (i fear he was a sorority cootchie snatcher back in the day, darn those handsome men! at least he turned to the dark side just in time.) and looked at me sidelong and said, “yes they do”.

i paused.

“but not in other women they don’t”.

“yes. yes, you are right”

the girlist person in the group gets on and off the elevator first. even if the girlist person in the group ios that totally butch yet flaming guy in the marketing department that always wears a pink shirt.

i love him.

but i wonder how or if he had to struggle wiht his persona. generally being overtly faggy in the business world is not okay. things that are different make people uncomfortable. so did he have to decide to incorporate some mainstream manliness? if i get big and buff and have a deep voice maybe people wont notice that lisp and wear pink and that my boyfriend sends me flowers for my desk all the time.

but that shows how much i kknow about the gay world right? eh? yeah, well. i’ve beent to folsom street fair one too many times to not know what i am talking about. and how many gay friends do i have? lots. duh! i’m a straight girl!

but i am talking _from the mainstream perspective_ here.

at least one a week i drive by an old apartment building i used to live in. it’s near the gym i like to go to. i liked that apartment despite the fact that someone who lived there must have had a dog. the carpet was a nasty brown and smelled like dog. it was big, huge even and had 4 closets. 4 closets!!

i moved into that apartment after a failed love affair with a man that i should never have been with. it’s amazing how utterly and completely wrong for me so many of my ex’s are. why are we so blind?

i was very unhappy and lonely in that apartment for a long time. well, i was unhappy and lonely in general but i was really happy with the apartment.. it being big and with so many closets. i had a lot of time to set it up and do silly in house craft projects, such as covering the kitchen walls with fancy shelf paper.

i didn’t know a whole lot of people in the area. and i commuted 50 miles to school and felt oddly isolated from the people in my classes. i am naturaly hermit like and reticent anyway. being unhappy about my failed love affair just added to my normal social awkwardness.

one year on the fourth of july i was alone. and pretty sad and miserable. i didn’t have anyone to go out with. not even any friends somehow. none that i felt really happy and comfortable to be with. i love fireworks. and i was trying to gear myself up into going out alone to see fireworks. but i couldn’t do it.

this was also the same time i had decided to become an alcoholic. just for the depressing hell of it. i would drink wine, smoke and watch old movies on my couch alone. when i got up from the couch i would often fall over, not realizing how drunk i was.

so i stood on a chair in my dark kitchen with a bottle of wine by my side and watch the tip of some city fireworks. i drive by that kitchen window all the time and i always look at it and try to imagine my very young face sadly looking out. but that night i vowed to not let that sad lonelyness ever happen to me again. i haven’t been entirely successful. but i have done pretty darn well.

First off, a funny, intelligent way to tell someone you’ve fucked that you may have given them an STD. (Note: may also be used for joke purposes)

Secondly, a fascinating directory of cannibalism fetish stories here. I recommend the story “The Stepford Country Club Membership Drive And Picnic.”

Finally, what my friend tells me is an incredibly common fetish, The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive.

Have fun!

Ran across a few articles today on how reality tv is totally scripted:

Those VH1 shows

and

Elimidate encourages girls to be mean and bitchy

and

Those two “socialites.”

And just to cleanse yourself after all that sordidness, a link to some cute Rachel Bilson pics here, because she seems pretty genuine and nice.

Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton: Who would marry, date, have a one night stand with?

I would have a one night stand with Paris, to, you know, get it over with, then spend weeks with my legs crossed, wrenching my hands while waiting for my AIDS results, so I guess I’d date Jessica during that time since she won’t do much without being married, we could have wholesome singalongs and breast fondlings and anyway her Dog In A Vuitton fetish might be charming for a while, and then I’d get my test results and Lo! they’d miraculously be clear so I’d go out and get shitfaced to celebrate and accidently marry Britney in Vegas and hey, it could be worse. I mean, she seems sorta fun, right? Her fuck you to wearing shoes is sorta… adventurous? And her accent’s cute. And she’d probably buy me a lot of stuff and let me sing backup on a song or two. Yeah, it might be alright.

i think i have used that title before…

business trips suck.
getting used to new jobs and longer hours sucks.
being sick over and over and over again really sucks.
shoveling snow sucks.
getting into fender benders sucks and sucks some more.

please forgive my extended quietude as i have been ridiculously busy.

thanks to jane for holding us up.

and i just realized i have a whole big to-do list just for this little blog:

1. back up all our files
2. switch from current server to new server that can run perl storable
3. load new-new version of mt
4. load new version of mt blacklist (requires perl storable)
5. clean out all spam comments (UGH)
6. finish/debug/load new design
7. re-enable comments w/typekey

i am so so so sorry that i have not gotten any of this done before now. i promise that i will try very very hard.

even though we aren’t too prolific lately our hits are still stable. which is nice.

thanks.

xo

There is something incredibly attractive about a guy with his tie and collar loosened. It’s soooo hot!

Another thing I like is when I’m walking next to a guy I dig and our hands keep brushing against each other. It’s uncomfortably comfortable.

Once a guy traced invisible circles on my legs going higher and higher and higher. I won’t ever forget that.

This snow has gotta melt because I am so fucking ready for spring.

I want a new spring handbag

…and a pair of those giant sunglasses.

P.S. hahaha my GIS for Mary-Kate turned up this pic, surely the Olsen twin’s previous incarnation.

rollerskating in the park
ice cream cones after dark

cherry gloss on my lips
rolling eyes, hands on hips

passing notes to my friends
life is great, let’s pretend

Blushing means you’re happily embarrassed.

There’s something extremely satisfying about a really good ipod shuffle experience- 20, 30 minutes of just every song you want to listen to at that exact moment in time. It’s small things that make me believe in larger things.