Jane’s Oatmeal

2.5 cups of Chocolate Silk Soymilk
1 mini box of raisins (the kind you used to take to school)
1.5 cups of one minute oatmeal
0.5 teaspoon of salt

Mix everything into a medium sized pan. Cook on medium heat for 3-4 minutes, or until it starts to boil. Let boil for 30 seconds. Turn heat off and cover while you check your email. Serve hot. Enjoy.

Wow, I randomly clicked onto Diablo’s retired pussyranch blog and found she’s blogging HERE! now. Yay!

girls? what does this mean to you.

do you see people who seem to be perpetual victims? what to do about that?

—-
people might say that people set themselves up to be perpetual victims by asserting their differences. thus, incuring the wrath of the normals. but so really, asserting the differences is their attempt to NOT be a victim but to truely OWN who they are. yet society keeps using this to vicitmize. should they stop assserting themselves to make life easier for themselves and the people who victimize them?

but dont people have a right to live UNMOLESTED. by these supposed victims. who turn around and make everyone else thier victim. by shoving these diofferences in our faces?

i say. fuck all you people. just DO WHATEVER. but dont get in my face. i want to live unmolested by people and their shit. just

GET.THE.FUCK.AWAY.FROM.ME.

i have a vague feeling of dread and doom. and a more concentrated feeling of hate and dissatisfaction. with many many things right now.

1. i have not started my period.
2. i hate myself right now. i am not acting like, or achieving the things that maybe i should be. and that “maybe” is one of the things i am hating.
3. when you apologize to someone. you want them to acknowlege it as soon as possible and not pout and be an asshole.

who was the asshole first? me or thing number 2?

sometimes when I
think
of you

you’re so
tan
and warm

when I think
of you it’s always
summer

Every so often I talk to someone on the phone, or behind a desk, or meet someone at a party who completely and without effort makes me feel so much better about being Homo sapien and I’ll be in a great mood for the rest of the day.

It’s sort of incredible.

Why does every girl on Room Raiders sport misshapen, over-plucked eyebrows? Who are these girls who own not a single book? Who giggle and titter as the guy, without fail, uncovers their vibrator like the final, prized egg in an Easter hunt? Who always smile politely and hug and kiss the boy at the end when they aren’t chosen? That’s some pretty heart-breaking social conditioning, if you ask me.

And the guys, well, they snicker and shove one another because they have a one-third chance of making out with some chick. Ain’t nothing new about that.

I keep things little things like this bookmarked for months…just in case I win the lottery or whoknowswhat.

I’ve finally gotten that cold everyone’s been coughing and sneezing on me. My throat hurts and my ears hurt and tea just isn’t awesome enough to aid me. Today I woke up feeling blah and unable to get up…sooooo…here are a couple things strewn around my bed right now that I’m enjoying:

A nice, giggly book: Historical Young Adult fiction for tweens and Jane Austen fans.

Old radio on my new ipod: The classics, each reinacted in one perfect hour.

Jessica Alba’s areola peeking out on the new Cosmo cover: She just gets hotter and hotter. I can’t wait for Sin City!

Urban Outfitter’s spring catalog: Frilly, earthy, fairy clothes to flounce around in all summer long. Wheee.

I just spent the morning walking around with a foamy black earbud cover stuck in my ear. Jesus how embarassing if I’d been anywhere but at home.

This weekend I was super flirty with the vitamin guy at the organic food store. While tilting my head and smiling at him, I tried to think who he reminded me of. Then later as I hauled my groceries into the trunk, I realized he looked eerily like a hated ex-boyfriend. I felt ill all the way home.

My soothing green numbered (not one of those red numbered scaries) alarm clock has lately begun to emit a low buzzing noise that’s something akin to sleep deprivation torture.

I am somewhat worried that I’ve only drank water out of plastic bottles for like, a year now. I hope I don’t get bottled water cancer or something, though the fact that my favorite brand has been featured on The OC lately is pretty awesome.

When my computer was being fixed a couple weeks ago, it felt like half my brain was gone.

I’ve dropped my ipod about 10 times since I’ve got it. Sometimes I grasp onto the earbud cord as it’s dropping which then disconnects as the ipod hits my foot.

I am so incredibly sick of driving everywhere. Fuck. I want my flying, destination-programmable car. In hot pink.

One of the worst sensations in the world is feeling my bra strap slipping off my shoulder; I sneakily try to correct it by raising my hand or scratching my shoulder but that never works. I always have to go all the way to the bathroom to get things straightened out. I’m only gone for about 1 minute; I bet people wonder if I forgot to wash my hands or something. By the time I get back to my seat I really do have to pee, but holding it is sometimes more comfortable than bra strap-slippage.

I drive a lot. Last semester I had to go on two different highways to go to my college. I can understand old people driving slowly. I don’t get mad when a semi thunders past me, shaking my car. I don’t care if I miss a light. I don’t have roadrage.

But.

If one more stupid cunt in a fucking blue minivan cuts me off because she’s gabbing away on her cell and didn’t even check behind her to see that I’m going 90 and now have to slow down to her shitty, safe speed of 72 miles per hour, I’m going to flip her off, whether she has her kids with her or not. Seriously!!!!!!!

Well I’ve narrowed it down to two: redhead or blonde. I honestly can’t decide and there’s no hurry either because I’m totally broke. So meantime, please enjoy my thrify hotness tips:

Blistex Pro Care SPF 30. This is like smoothing butter onto your lips. I’m addicted, and for only $2.89 (damnit, I got mine for $2.97 at Wal-Mart).

Curel Fragrance Free Lotion. More than a decade of shaving my legs has taught me never to use anything but Curel, obvs, and it’s still cheap at $8.50 or so. I always use unscented lotions, too, because scented ones can mix weirdly with your perfume, which leads me to my next tip-

Perfume!. I bought a bottle of this in July and I use it about five times a week. It’s a nice, clean perfume to keep at your desk or in your car. The scent reminds me how the most popular girl in middle school’s hair smelled (I’m no hair-sniffing fetishist; we were friends and I spent the night at her house about 20 times until she started listening to ugh, country music and stopped listening to the Pumpkins. Scandalous!).

My favorite hand lotion. You know that stupid SATC ep where Miranda watches infomercials with her hands drenched and gloved in vaseline? I never have to do that because I use this every night. And you know what else? It doesn’t make my vagina sting or irratated if I need to fingerbang myself to sleep.

Lip markers! Sometimes Sephora brand makeup is sorta cheap and cruddy, you know? But I think their lip markers are incredible. My favorite one is raspberry and the strawberry is really, really vivid. I want to try apricot next. Only $10 each!

Natural hotness! I bought some of this in September I think, and it lasted until like two weeks ago. It felt amazing but a word of caution: if you have troubled skin, it will make you break out around your eyes because it’s really packed with oils. I’m using something else now but otherwise, recommended!

This is the most wonderful eye makeup remover I’ve ever used. It is sooo gentle and it lasts a long time- 4 fl oz!. I really like browsing around mothernature.com in general too.

Now go enjoy your thrify hot self! hahaha