yeah, it’s all fucked up. comments, comment registration, template, everything.

i am going to fix it, i promise. if it kills me (which it might, since i have a nasty case of strep).

but the good news is there will be a pretty new template soon.

seriously, i was only just 18. how could i have known? amateur night at strips clubs is a scam in many ways. and its the story of my life. have you ever been to an amateur night? they get girls to audition to be strippers. supposedly women who have never stripped. and there is a mix of women. some of them are professional strippers pretending not to know how. but they end up being really good and getting 3rd prize.then there is the woman who is actually really really embarrased and nervous and scared. how did they get her up there. she stands up on stage naked but for her little g-string. she hunchs her shoulders and cowers a bit. she blushes like mad and her giggles sound almost like sobs. but she is thin and cute with perky little breasts. she doesnt really dance but ends up sort of just standing there. they l;ove her. they cheer her. she wins first place.
then there is me. i am nervous and scared. thin and cute and a little butch witha nose ring. i do not let my nervousness stop me from dancing and strutting a bit. i dont do it well. but i look people in the eye adn try to have a good time. i do not win anything.
girls do not win anything by trying too hard.maybe nobody does. but im a girl and can only speak to my experience.
people and not jst men, want women who are scared and nervous to really be scared and nervous and vulnerable. dont try to concour fear. it makes you unlovable.

I’ve never had a dream where I was pregnant.

I get cravings for uncommon foods like ice cream sandwiches, golden raspberries, and sushi rice.

The book I ordered from amazon has a coffee stain on the cover and returning it is too complicated.

My new headphones are better than a new manicure.

I have a plastic icicle Christmas ornament dangling from the plant hanger on my ceiling. It’s been there for 3 years.

Recently I learned that perfumes start to decay rapidly after about a year so everything I own smells either of Chanel N5 or Love’s Baby Soft.

Someday I would like to own a white convertible.

It’s a new year and I need a new look. I have pale skin, dark eyebrows and eye lashes, and straight, auburn hair (guys, that means it looks sorta like Jennifer Aniston’s) so I can do anything. Here are my ideas. I’d appreciate feedback, catcalls, or whatever:

All-American Girl: I’d dye my hair light blonde, wear sparkly brown eyeshadow, and bleach my teeth. I could finally fulfill my fantasy of being really tan while wearing a white bikini. Investment: Going to the dentist. Ugh!

Geeky Indie Girl: Chopping off my hair to a pixie cut. Wearing thrift store skirts. Investment: endless wordrobe of obscure tee shirts.

Girl Next Door, A.K.A. The Classy Breeder: I’d dye my hair chestnut brown and perfect wearing red lipstick without looking slutty. Investment: Publishing a young adult novel for confused, smart, 13-year-old girls.

Euro Trust Fund Trash: Bleaching out my hair Hollywood style, looking great in black Prada sunglasses and a white leather miniskirt. Investment: me somehow winning the lottery or inheriting millions.

The Cupcake: Growing my hair out super long and piling on the pink blush and wet lipgloss. Tight jeans and “cute tops.” Investment: learning to giggle/pout to get my way.

Strawberry Girl: Some say going redhead this year is last year’s brown. I’d wear pink everyday and lots of sexy brown eyeliner.

Mysterious Starlett: Jet black hair and blue contacts. Lots of Calvin Klein. Investment: learning to be extremely confident.

Comments are broken or something. Email me your opinion. I’ll reply!