This weekend I drove past a restored Victorian house not far from where I grew up. Two men were on a ladders painting the house: half was white and the other was light blue. I struggled to recall which was being painted over what.

This is a house I’d walked by approximately eight thousand times in my life on the way to school and I couldn’t recall if it had always been white or blue.

I decided it was a ghost house, designed to only be seen out of the corner of my eye. And I respect that.

I was delighted to read this article, as cough drops blow after the first dozen or so.

Read it, it’s about chocolate!

someone thought to make one of these! (also in a more lovey design)

i will be begging for six or eight of them for my sofa this holiday…

UPDATED!

girls: is it wrong that I think the side ponytail is cute?

guys: are white panties always hot even if you have really, really pale skin?

Even though I have the most pallid white legs, you convinced me and I bought some really soft and pretty white panties tonight.

Also, I will continue to proudly sport the cute side ponytail to class.

Thanks guys!

so i always drive by this place where one of my crazy friends used to live. it makes me sad. should i or should i not try to call him? he is a bit nuts now. extra nuts. i mean, before he was basically normal and we would hang out and maybe he would go off on some dumb thing.. but everyone has little weird things. to bad he is now hunkered down in his moms basement making shitty casio keyboard music.
what does one do about that. he’s smart and shit. and cute too may i add. although his dick was like one of those long skinny ones that i tend to not like so much. they are a little to stabby if you know what i mean.
not that i slept with him within recent memory. probably the last time i did was like 15 years ago. (scary! old!).
once i set him up with one of my youngish classmates. she was really too young for him i guess. but they continued this fucked up relationship for like 3 years. he despised her intellectually. he thought she was dumb. and he secretly thought she was too fat too. the asshole. yeah but he kept right on fucking her. and to her he was this shining example of middle class whiteness. def. something to strive for. and he wasn’t some fucked up 19 year old dude. he had a steady job and a car and a place to live and hobbies and stuff. he was relatively stable compared to a normal degenerate 19 year old hippy dude.

all of this pissed me off tho. he was smart and nice but he was treating this girl really abhorrently. i think alot of it was peer pressure. he’s friends. all ivy league educated with masters degrees, all white and in shape and good looking. and HUGE JERKS! they looked down on her. but in unguarded moments he was happy with her.

he an i used to fight occasionally. he would say something dumb like “well i just only find really really thin girls attractive”. and i just thought that was offensive. i never really decided to not date someone because they were not GQ material. I’ve dated all kinds of people. big, small, tall, very short, men, women, punks, professionals. all kinds. and they were all good in some way or another.

i am disgustingly happy. really. it’s gross. i’m not sure what to do. i loathe happy people. well at least i am still bittter and disillusioned underneath the happiness.

next week is going to be worse. i will be happy AND glowing. and the week after people at work will see me happy and glowing. grody to the max.

You never know how many friends you don’t have until it’s 4 am and it’s been probably the shittiest week so far and you have no one to call and say goodbye to because you swear this time you’re really going to do it.

i do not want to go to work today.

nothing heinous is happening at work. i am just feeling so lazy. i want to loaf around in my PJs all day. it’s the weather i guess.

plus i got some new sex toys. i got these modern connected silicon ben wa balls. and man they are hard to keep in. one sneeze or one laugh and the pop out. i kinda like them tho. i’ve been wearing them and hula hooping and running up and down the stairs.

The plan was executed. Here’s how it went down:

I stood up with the attendance sheet in my hand, walked two feet, handed it to him, (thankfully I didn’t trip and fall on my face like in a bad chick lit novel) and looked at him while I held out the paper. I tried to smile but totally, totally failed, and I immediately lowed my eyes and stared at the table and managed a sort of half-smile/half-grimace.

He said in this scruffy (which is now his theme word) voice, literally, “Thank you,” so that’s hopeful, right?

Help.

What should I do next?

I’m tired of sneaking glances at the cute boy who sits at the other end of the room from me in my science class. Tomorrow I’m going to sit in his row and smile as I pass him the attendance sheet.

Or, heh, at the very least, I can eye him from a new angle. Sigh. He’s so cute!

Help.

Seriously, any advice guys?

Test your toy knowledge [via fark].

I got 11 of 14.

The best thing about today was weaving in and out of traffic going 90 miles per. At one point I passed this bakery truck and my whole car filled with the smell of fresh bread.

It was wonderful.

what a blah November day. Luckily I am going to pizza and TV tonight; Veronica Mars is on!

Diablo Cody, formerly of Pussyranch fame, wrote a really nice article on Veronica Mars, which can be read here …

AND!

…UPN announced this week that the show will complete its first season, so start watching and getting invested in the awesome drama of TV lives.

Veronica Mars airs Tuesdays at 9/8C on UPN. Watch or die.

please keep your army of skanks at bay.

when does being inconsiderate cross the line and become passive aggressive?

i really don’t know.

i don’t even think i know how to really even be angry anymore. when i feel angry or even sad for fucks sake i just get worried about it, internalize all of it and make myself sick. fuck it. i should just allow myself the luxury of actually getting mad. but every time i do i just get accused of being bitchy. so wheres the line there? between being bitchy and being legitimately angry?

recipe calls for
weird shit not in my fridge.
i substitute beer.

ugh! it happened again! i didn’t think it would!

but lo! there it was.

hey girl, you have GOT to try this thing. it is sooooo great. i mean really fucking great holy shit everyone should be doing this.

er. i did almost the same thing last year and you were like, “omg, that is so totaly stupid and not great”

why is that?

i HAVE got to learn to talk shit up. every-fucking-one else does.

i heard on npr today someone talking about some county in nevada that voted overwhemlingly for Bush, stated overwhelmingly that moral issues were strongly considered and they also voted to NOT over turn some legislation limiting prostitution.

so? what’s the big deal you say?

well, my main point here is that i’m not sure there is a point. i mean, first i was going to point and say “hypocrites!”. but i can’t really do that. my first thought was morals/religeous views/business decisions.

erg. cant finish this now.

boy actually TOLD other people we know who are very politically vocal (and narrowminded) who i voted for! without my express written consent!!!

yaaargh!

is it just me or did everyone grow up with the understanding that you don’t ask people their age, their weight, or who they voted for??

it is so very
gratifying to piss off
that bitch i work with!

i guess i should go back on them. without i am an insufferable bitch.

I was in an urban sort of bind this week. I found myself on my way to an appointment sans mascara so I stopped at Walgreens and picked up some Loreal Lash Architect.

Ok, so like, this is the worst mascara I’ve ever used and dude, in fifth grade I used to use Cover Girl Waterproof Mascara which tore my lashes from their roots upon any sort of removal attempt.

Yet this 8 dollar disaster was scads worse: made my lashes clump together worse than Madonna in that one video, it left little dried chunks of black on the tips of my lashes, which I then tried to pick off, and the wand was ungraspable because it had these weird edges on it.

And then the smudging started.

Cripes.

So just thought I’d warn you all.

no really, go ahead and criticize me i can fucking take it. i can totally take fucking shitty stupid criticism. what? you think i am not PC enough? too much of a feminazi? fuck off! you suck!

take that!

Screw you people. You’ve clearly all been happily posting away not caring that I have been locked in my basement for 6 months. Living with only one no doubt record for company and some old nation magazines. It’s no way to live let me tell you. If I see another box of kraft mac and cheese ever again I may go berserk.

I sent in my absentee ballot. and look what happened. The rest of the idiot county voted for bush. But oh wait, various reputable news organizations are reporting that voting machines recorded extra votes for Bush all over the country. Hmmmm. No extra votes for Kerry? How come there are no extra votes for Kerry happening anywhere? STRANGE.

Or is it.

I am frightened of this all Republican congress and government

I am going back to my basement. But this time I am bringing a vibrator.

90% of things on my wish list fall under the “cosmetic procedures/surgeries” category. Like, if I was rich, I positively see no reason why I should ever have to shave my armpits ever again. Laser me up, bitches!

What’s the first thing you would have done if suddenly rich?

how wrong is it to have my motivation be couched as “revenge”? i do this a lot about many kinds of things. sdmoething pisses me off and i decide to do seomthing out of revenge. well, if i do shit this way i will WIN! MUHAHAHAH.

i’m like that star trek creature that lived and grew strong from negative thoughts and emotions.

i went to sephora yesterday and there was some guy there doing demos of this spray on foundation. now have you seen the “spray on legs”? LEGS for sucks sake. i saw my mom fairly recently and i looked at her legs and yelled “do you freaking have spray legs on?!!” she didn’t. instead she had hilarious TOELESS pantyhose on . who knew?

anyway. spray on legs. that’s so funny.

so i thought, why the hell not? let someone put some makeup on me. free makeup!

it ended up looking pretty good. maybe the shade was a tad dark and that’s why i spazzed. i looked at myself close up and i looked _just like my mother_ oh, it was scary. she has terrible skin. and so do i. i realized that i could see pores in places where there should be no pores. hideous. i immediately went and bought pore minimizing shit.

but it was the looking like my mother part that really freaked me. i mean, i do look very much like her anyway. but to haveto inherit the weird skin. grrrr. thank god so much technology goes in to research for make-up and shit… (aggg! did i just sayt that? well, it’s better than weapons.)

when i am rich i will certainly waste money on shit like pore zapping or whatever they call it. oh yes i will.

maybe i should ave more republican friends? that way i wouldn’t have spent so much time preaching to the choir.
maybe we should have all moved to ohio for the duration to tip the scales there.
how is it that i dont know anyone who voted for Bush?

tv is the doom of us all. why can’tr people see that this mass entertainment is just like the games in rome? mass entertainment is a form of supression. people wont NOTICE that our wetlands are dimishing and they wont CARE either. just feed them lies and some vapid tv shows.

i’m gonna barf.

Voting was fun, sure, but what I’m really looking forward to is The Daily Show coverage tonight.

i am terrified of gender roles. the standard ones i mean.

so much so that i sit here and start to think about how sexy my man is and then i think about marriage and babies and shit like that. and then i stop thinking about anything remotely sexy and run off to hide trembling in the corner of my closet.

do not let a man darken my door step ever again.

yet at the same time i like the hideous and scary gender roles. on the basic day to day level..

loh, could you hold me in your big strong arms and then please open this jar for me? thanks. excuse me dear, could you carry this large heavy unwieldy item and then go fix my carburetor? thanks

what if i have babies some day and then decide to stay home and take care of them? will i do nothing but talk about babies? ytou know how many blogs are out ther that are moms talking about babies? it makes me want to barf.
i sense that i am going to become one of them sometime in the next 5 years. especially since the rest of my brain is so fucking boring i want to kill it. how easy and niced it would be to be able to fill it with boring crap about babies. oh i could do it. i would be spectacular.

i could not do that. i could keep my job and chcuk the kid in daycare as soon as possible. but mty job is pretty lame. having a kid could me my excuse to like go back to school like every other mom i know.

but then i would be this horrible moocher on my partner. also, the sound of a baby crying makes me want to off myself. maybe it is different when one has their own baby?

fuck. i think i’ll go take some mechanical things apart and then put them back together.

and she’s a winner! her underwear has little skulls all over it! screw that granny panty wearing bitch.

uh, i guess.

i normally would want to hear that i won the dating game because of something other than my underwear. but what the hey, i’ll take what i can get. it’s a good thing i am an underwear freak on my own or that information would have made me start worrying about whether or not my underwear was cute enough.

although really i think my favorite pairs are the very plain like 10 year old calvin klein cotton string bikini ones. they rock and i remember buying them and i wish they would make them again. i was still a student and had zero money. however, macys was smart enough to give me a credit card so i went and immeditely spent like 300$ on under things. go me…

for men i prefer boxer briefs. i’ve dated people of all shapes and sizes and i must say thatmy favorite is a nice tall strong man in boxer briefs. oh yum. oh my. i wish i was at home.

why is there so much pressure to be extroverted in this society? be part of a group. leave your inhibitions blah blah blah blah.