there is one person at work who truly irritates me, over and over and over, all the time all the time. she is this older lady who thinks the internet is all ebay and aol. which i can tolerate, really. but she is the world’s biggest martyr and she falls on her sword every day twice a day. i can set my watch by it

oh, it must be two already as v. is whining about being just so swamped that she skipped lunch – “oh, well, i guess i just won’t take lunch today”

someone insists that she go eat, then about fifteen minutes follow of her asking coworkers if they are absolutely sure that it is okay for her to take her lunch. because if they are too busy to cover for her while she is gone, she just won’t. at which point i usually turn and growl to her

TAKE YOUR LUNCHBREAK, V.

she is also a big victim too. meaning that when we found out we were all getting laid off, she went the wrong way. there are two ways you could go after such an announcement – you could be helpful and do things like forward a job posting you saw to someone you think would be qualified for it (whether or not you are best friends with that person) OR you could get bitchy and catty and start looking at what is on everyone else’s plate instead of what is on yours. she went the second way.

i have heard from lots of people that she is gabbing about how my boss loves me so much and how my best friend is in the department where i am starting in november already and that between the two of them they MADE me a job where there was none. this is of course complete bullshit. my boss called her delusional to her face. i picked a fight with her. she could not look at me the entire time because she knows she is a bitch. also she said it is nothing personal against me and i told her if that is the case then she should watch what she says and to whom because that is how it comes off to everyone.

boy insists i feel sorry for her because she is obviously such an unhappy person. i do. until she fucks with me at which point i want to squash her like a bug.

this is the second such conversation we have had, and there was no actual blood shed. i give it two more weeks before i have to go in swinging…

somebody remind me to buy a portable dvd player soon too.

i got a new puppy. and a new job to match. so i will not be drooling over the loverly severance package nor will i be entitled to bitch about it. i will be sent abroad for training sometime next year. eeek!

have appointment with doc next week. will ask to be screened for lung cancer, diabetes, and high cholesterol. my arms and legs keep falling asleep and it is giving me insomnia really bad. sometimes only the tip of my big toe or just the palm of my hand will go all pins and needly. it is truly aggravating.

i like having a puppy because now i get to buy him stuff, too. i did not name him yet even though i have already had him a week. stupid brother said scooter and i said WHATEVER. even though i thought i would really want to name him nixon (an awesome name for a dog) when i brought him home he really doesn’t look like a nixon at all. boy suggested i name a cat loki but i am really liking loki for the puppy instead. cats all have names anyway…

Did you guys see Veronica Mars on Tuesday? I did. I loved it.

Veronica Mars is a new show about a smart, jaded high school girl who helps her P.I. dad solve cases. The show is pure, classic California noir: money, convertables, and neon bar signs flashing in the night. Nicely coupled with that is an Outsiders-like division between the rich and working class students, which creates constant tension. There’s also a weirdo theme of The Wizard Of Oz running throughout the pilot episode which I really dug.

My friend Justin Why said it’s like “My So-Called Murder She Wrote or Buffy the Private Investigator!”

Indeed, the pilot was so smooth and well-developed it was like it was already in its third season. Here’s hoping it stays with the fast-paced, interesting writing and develops the secondary characters even further.

Kristen Bell, in the titular role, does a great job of quickly establishing her character’s blase, shruggy, cool-headedness. She’s quick and solid and has a hot little girl voice like Hilary Duff.

From the official site: “It used to be different. When Lilly was alive, and Duncan and I were together, I actually couldn’t wait to get to school. I was even on the freaking pep squad. But that was another lifetime. One I barely remember. Now Lilly’s dead, and Duncan hates me, and I think I need a better plan…”

Also visit fluxblog to get the neato theme song “We Used To Be Friends” by The Dandy Warhols (it’s the second post down).

Veronica Mars. Tuesdays at 9/8C on UPN. Be awesome and watch it!!!

i am pondering new template. also am pondering one of those registration-based comment arrangements. because the comment spam is consuming my attention and is highly irritating. right now the comment spam is the dirty laundry draped all over the furniture of my inbox. clutter stifles me. i cannot work like this!!

if i can ignore the threat of comment spam and the irritating cleanup (even with the benefit of mt-blacklist which is great), i can concentrate on ideas for gitb swag. possibly i could convince ellie to sketch me some stuff (or jane, if you draw.. ?) how many of you think the comment registering thing is a horrific idea? and what color for the template? do you want to see my tits?

what the fuck am i thinking?

i have not posted
appy polly loggies – i’m
trying to get laid.

i confessed to my boss that i had my first girl crush in seventh grade. i confessed to the second in high school. and to the various girlfriends i have had. she said

you little bisexual, you!

and smoked her menthol cigarette. she is so fucking cool and i love her. she is trying desperately to get me a job with another dyke boss, because it’s the next best thing to working for her.

heh.

While searching for a new cosmetic bag this morning, I ran across this funny little item. Now I pretty much like experimenting on my own with regards to shape and all, but I think it would be cool if I had a boyfriend and I was like, Pick one out you like.

and he’d say, Do the dragon one!

and I’d say, That takes like four hours!

and he’d say, Well I’ll help you with the dyes and sequins.

and I’d say, Ok!

and then we’d go into the bathroom which would have been recently cleaned, because we’d have a maid. And all would be well in Dragonland.

—

By the by, this is the bag I bought (in the purple of course). It seems to all go toward a good cause, too. Awesome.

Hey Jane what’s up, darling?
I’ve been sick with a lingering, Ann Radcliffy sort of fever.

omg did you throw up a lot and stuff?
No, there was none of that. Mostly I writhed uncomfortably in my bed and dreamed of skeleton weddings.

So like, you’re not going to die?
Not yet.

Well you still have two weeks before classes start, what’re you going to do?
I gotta buy an ipod.

Exciting. What else?
Clive Barker’s new book.

So you’re just going to buy stuff?
No, I’ll do stuff too.

Like…?
I had a list somewhere..

Maybe it’s under your bed?
Oh yes. Ok. Here is my list:
-Begin getting up before 2pm so I won’t die the first day of class
-Order the porn that Steven recommended
-Find a non-lame yoga class to join
-Buy a strapless bra which doesn’t suck
-Finish drawing Volume Two of my comic
-Meet a cool boy

Non-lame yoga? A comfortable strapless bra? You’d have more luck finding a boy in two weeks.
Is that a fact?

That is a bet.
Yeah?

A cute one, too.
Bra?

Boy!
Hey, I thought you were the one asking the questions?

Damn.
ha ha ha! I’ve already half-won.

I need a girlfriend.

Well. What I mean is I need a friend who is a girl. Yeah, that dated aphorism “a good man is hard to find” is true enough but what’s also evident is “a good female friend is pretty much fucking imposible to find.”

I really barely have any friends right now. Mostly I talk to a lot of guys online about comics or zombies or music. The following is a list of people I might like as a best girl friend:

+Veronica from Heathers
+Kim Deal
+Enid from Ghost World
+Leigh-Cheri from Still Life With Woodpecker

Um. That’s really all I can really think of. I half-heartedly think I could become one of those CEO high maintence maneaters who hate women. But like, I don’t hate women, I hate phoney fucktards and I don’t need a gal who raises her eyebrow and scoffs at me like this is middle school all over again. I need a girl who is like a guy but not in a gross, unkempt, lesbian way.

One possible solution is to become a hollywood starlet and thus be perpetually fawned over. Jessica has her Girls Gone Wild In Cancun best friend cum hanger-on Cacee Cobb, Mary-Kate has her Ashley and you just know they share panties, and Anna Nicole has her dykey, spikey-haired personal assistant.

Another, more perfect solution would be that I’d simply fall in love with a rock star and we’d live heroinly ever after; time’s running out for me to become a member of the 27 Club. Incidently, anyone else think it’s really weird that Meg the-plucky-guardian-of-the-finger-and-clit-only-masturbating-
secretaries-of-the-world Ryan was in the movie The Doors? Dude, Meg Ryan.

Shit.

Maybe I’ll meet some cool, brainy girls in my science classes this winter. Until then, any ideas guys?

I was never one of those throw-up girls in high school. Mostly I was numbed out on psychoactive drugs and never felt like eating. I was lithe and thin and clothes looked awesome on me and I want all that back.

The problem is that I’m growing addicted to sugar. It’s leaking into my careful, hardcore diet, and I couldn’t give a shit. Chocolate for breakfast, soda while I’m driving around, tea and cookies in the afternoon.

The crazy thing is I’m trying to lose weight. I mean, I really am. I want to get down to a size one again. Yeah, that’s right motherfucker, size one. I can do it too. I have small bones and thin wrists and I’m just not meant to be a fatty. The problem I’m finding is it’s really fucking hard to lose weight if you don’t starve yourself.

But hey, if sugar makes me taste better then I’m doing A-OK.

careful what you wish for, they say. this is why i shy away from doing a lot of fantastical things. threesomes are terribly exciting in theory but in practice they are messy, complicated, or downright boring. vibrators break, even the waterproof ones seem to get that battery panel corrosion thing. lingerie doesn’t fit like it should. liquid latex? yeah, right.

boy bought nipple clamps. love love love the idea, omg. this is probably mostly due to the fact that during sex he can’t have his mouth anywhere except on one of my nipples or things get ugly. it is necessary and he only has one mouth, after all. so something that could offer the same pleasure while allowing his mouth to be occupied elsewhere seems logical? yeah.

do i have weird nipples or something? he got the adjustable ones since there are times when i feel like a lighter touch. the ones that sort of screw on. i am glad he did not spend the extra bux on the vibrating ones because those probably suck too. these just absolutely fall right off. he has to put them on so tight it makes me wince in order for them to stay, and then the pain is so intense it is distracting. also it takes a good fifteen minutes of me sitting perfectly still to get them on in the first place. we are both disappointed…

my nipples are regular nipples, i can tell you that. they are not too small or too big, they are just about average based on my experience. so what the hell do i do now?

Bad news guys, I have a cyst on my vaginal wall. It’s about the size of a pencil eraser and they don’t know if it’s going to keep growing until it takes over the world or shrink and go away as mysteriously as it came. I have to check it once a week.

The funny news was me asking the doctor if I could still masturbate and her trying to keep her face clear of emotion just like she’d been trained. She blinked though. What do you think that means?

The good news is I can still masturbate.