February 9th, 2009 @ 19:01PST
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January 10th, 2008 @ 20:54PST
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January 10th, 2008 @ 20:48PST
PLEASE kiss and make up. please.
i NEED heroes. like NOW!!
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 10th, 2008 @ 20:44PST
i have been down with bronchitis and ennui.
rock band for ps2 is apparently stripped down and does not include the rocker maker, which is most disappointing since i already sacrificed the ability to download new songs by forgoing the purchase of an xbox 360.
worse still every single product description i can find on the major retailer sites say that the rocker maker is included, even on the ps2 version they are selling. retailer says it’s not their fault, manufacturer gave crap description. manufacturer has not yet responded to my email complaining about it…
i did my first budget and my boss liked it and almost even agreed with it! then he realized HIS calculations were wrong and therefore i passed with flying colors.
maybe i can do this management thing after all…
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 4th, 2008 @ 01:08PST
he cheated on her, with the neighbor, and everyone knew it.
she left today and destroyed some dvds he asked her to return for him since she was taking the car.
he is still crying and mooning around and says that he knows he fucked up. she is angrier than i have ever, ever seen her. i did not know she was even capable of anger.
she cried too, after she put a bunch of his shit in the sink and set it on fire.
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 4th, 2008 @ 01:05PST
the chick that lives one floor up from me kind of scares me with her really loud sex.
she is young and cute and skinny and i have seen boy looking at her sometimes which bugs me. since she moved into our building we have noticed that when she fucks somebody it is ridiculously loud.
on new year’s eve i was drunk and boy was too and we were all alone with only the dog in the house. we had stupid loud drunk sex for a couple of hours and the dog did not stir. just as we were falling asleep, dog starts wailing and continues barking at top volume for about 15 minutes.
because she was up there, fucking her boyfriend. *on a different floor.*
?????????
the worst part is that she has roommates who have to listen to it all the time. and they fuck each other too but very. quietly.
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 30th, 2007 @ 22:45PST
boy (done opening gifts): merry christmas, babe.
me: wait, did you check your stocking?
boy: for what?
me: just check it.
boy (pulls stocking off mantle with knowing sideways look)
me (so excited i can barely sit still)
boy (opening decorative gift tin): ??
me: LOOK at them.
boy: tickets to see van halen. wow.
me: aren’t you excited?? (i am!!)
boy: sure. hey, this is a great dvd (checking out “planet earth” by bbc)
later that day…
me: i can’t wait, can you?
boy: when is the show?
me: march.
boy: oh good. then you have three months.
me: for what?
boy: to get skinny and hot so you can wear spandex.
me: ??!?!? (leaving room)
boy: it’s van halen. you *have* to wear spandex.
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 30th, 2007 @ 22:38PST
as previously mentioned gh2 rocks. i also have played my friends’ gh3 which is even better. then they got me american idol, which is the first game at which i kick EVERYONE’S ass without having to learn the right combination of buttons or speed. add singstar to that and i’m almost set…
rockband special edition is IN THE MAIL!!
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 30th, 2007 @ 22:37PST
i am really not that girly but one of my very favorite things is a good shower gel that smells like food that’s really bad for you.
my most favorite for the past two years was philosophy’s old fashioned eggnog, which is simply awesome!! however they discontinued it in the full size (16 oz) and now only include it in a holiday trio (10 oz) along with something gingerbread which i don’t care for.
i went searching for alternatives and ended up at bbw looking for a gift for my sister. i didn’t find one for her, but for myself i found something called forever frosting which basically makes you smell like a cupcake. it couldn’t smell any tastier…
also for the holidays i ended up with some amber romance stuff, some pumpkin spice, and some warm vanilla sugar (all from bbw) and an old favorite, pear glace from victoria’s secret.
fuck peppermint! i smell ten times better now.
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 30th, 2007 @ 22:27PST
while looking for soft-core porn on cinemax the other night i saw an interview between movies with an up-and-coming golden globe nominee, pussy ranch’s own diablo cody.
i nearly fell off the bed.
she is now my idol. i love her and i hate myself. she has been linked to gitb for years now!! and now she has published a book, moved to california, written what looks to be a really good movie (my lesbian friends confirm this, having seen it only last night), and is nominated for a golden globe.
i on the other hand have managed to double my salary in ten years with a company which is neither maverick nor rock star, kept the same boy for many years (an accomplishment, but it doesn’t pay so well), and oh yeah NOT publish a book or write a movie.
this feeling is like the one i had watching the cowboys lose to the redskins today (wtf?!?!) and also it is the reason i do not watch the olympics anymore. because seeing nubile teenagers who have million dollar endorsements and numerous gold medals simply depresses me.
i can’t wait until american idol comes back. then i can feel superior at least during the auditions…
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 9th, 2007 @ 23:51PDT
i hate to leave this place and think that it is all done. as long as our words are still here, we still exist, right?
however my life is ridiculously busy. and i feel the need for a new template, and the other girls are not participating much anymore, so… possibly my own brand new blog? i cringe at the thought of making a new template but you know that i could never use a stock one without modding it to scream emmie. also i suppose i would need a new domain name and i wouldn’t know where to begin to come up with one, nevermind a blog title. and publicizing a new blog sucks up so much time!!! that i don’t have anymore at all… these things make me so very very sad.
what makes me happy is that i have new friends. they are younger than me but still cool enough for me to like anyway. some of them are gay and i love that!! they like beer and barbecue (me too).
several friends are trying to convince me to write a book of some sort. i am still mulling over the idea of a collection of our works from here, post secret style (god i love that site!!). if i could convince ellie to do some illustrations for me it would be the bizzomb!! just like the old days.
one friend listened to me telling her the storyline of a short i wrote in high school. she then proceeded to give me ideas on how to expand that character into an entire novel. and it’s really not a half-bad idea…
do i have time? no. yes. i don’t know really. i know that i bbq a lot and i have gotten pretty good at a few songs on guitar hero 2 (easy only please and no doubles, sheesh!). my new friends text me a lot and that is new to me too. they taught me how to use T9 which had in the past always irritated the hell out of me…
i really really really want to write a book. i really want to blog. i also really want to make this blog into a book. what i do not want is a binding contract in case the well dries up. just a nice little nest egg to make up for my lack of 401k contributions for the past 10 years and some money for a new car would be cool. and of course some degree of notoriety which i did particularly enjoy here for a while…
must. get. sex. drive. back.
love, emmie | No Comments »
October 12th, 2006 @ 14:32PDT
mental health day was totally necessary today. yesterday my phone would not stop ringing. i am working on compiling paperwork for four giant lawsuits. my coworkers noticed my snarkiness and commented on the same…
even though i left the office on time (read: after 8 hours) which is highly unusual, by the time i got home i could feel the tension in the form of sharp pains from the base of my skull all the way down to my feet, and in every joint and muscle in between. i literally curled up in my bed and cried for boy to please just touch my shoulders.
my best friend is generally much sharper and less trusting than i am. yesterday she uncovered what looks suspiciously like the same thing we did two years ago, where management asks us to train somebody while telling us they won’t take our jobs, and then they take our jobs. she blind copied me on an email to someone else pointing this out to them and then called me to talk about it. while i am totally glad that she realized this because i am not that bright, it was that for sure that killed my entire day and gave me all the stress pains. boy didn’t know what the hell was the matter with me, and i could barely speak through the tears enough to tell him. i feel guilty for being terrified and acting traumatized by the downsizing thing; i was one of the lucky ones who managed to transfer elsewhere within the company. but then maybe the people who got laid off are really the lucky ones – they got a nice sev package AND they could close the book on the company. my best friend and i on the other hand moved for temporary safety, but it’s now looking like we could be exposed and vulnerable any minute. which puts us back in the same boat as the other people, but with two years lost and nothing to show for it…
fucking outsourcing.
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 5th, 2006 @ 20:42PDT
i don’t give a FUCK if my brother yells at me for it.
fuck him too.
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 5th, 2006 @ 20:41PDT
she is 13 and all her friends think “pimpin’” is cool.
i asked if she knew what a pimp was. she didn’t.
i asked if she knew what a prostitute was. she didn’t (!!!).
i told her what a prostitute is.
then i explained what a pimp is, and what he does. especially the part about keeping “his” girls hooked on drugs, taking all their money and doing none of the work, beating them up if they try to keep money or run away, etc.
i asked her if she thought that was cool.
she didn’t.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
July 5th, 2006 @ 20:38PDT
your link “add your school”
appears higher on the page
than your “safety” link.
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 5th, 2006 @ 20:37PDT
i don’t understand
why you must appear shirtless
you are just fourteen!!
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 5th, 2006 @ 20:35PDT
our verizon contract is up and boy has had his eyes on a nextel ruggedized phone for the longest time. so i priced out all the companies and compared their perks and penalties. t-mobile and nextel tied for best price, with different perks: t-mobile had a camera phone and data package, but no ruggedized phones. nextel had ruggedized phones and walkie talkie with no data package. last time i bought phones boy yelled at me for not buying camera phones which i think is stupid because i have a camera and i needed a phone. so then i got the idea that next time around i would get the camera phone and the data package, and he agreed. that was before he found out we couldn’t have it plus the rugged phone without paying a lot more. so i gave up the idea, which i had sort of come to look forward to having. and now his phone is rugged.
what i want is opinions on nextel’s customer service, because i placed our order online two nights ago, and they left me a message asking for me to call and give more info for the credit check. here is what happened next.
i did not have the phone number they left in the message which goes directly to the right dept. so i went to their site, logged in to check my order status, and called the toll-free number which appears on the page.
the first guy i got asked me for all my info including order number which i gave him. he spent a LOT of dead air time “looking at the account” before finally telling me i had to be transfered somewhere else. which i expected, so i waited patiently. the next girl on the line asked for my PIN code. i told her i only had an order number and explained my situation, which puzzled her. she transfered me somewhere else, where the lady answered the phone “thank you for calling alltel, america’s largest network”. this confused me somewhat but i assumed i’d heard wrong and launched into the explanation. she was also confused and asked me if i was a dealer or a customer. i told her neither, yet, because they wouldn’t help me complete my order. she transfered me again. a really nice guy answered “thank you for calling alltel, may i have your vendor number please?” at which point i stopped him and said, “wait, did you say ALLTEL? not NEXTEL?” he kind of laughed and said he was sure it was alltel. i told him alltel was my first choice but they don’t offer service in my state yet. then i asked him how on earth nextel customer service transfered me to alltel vendor service. he didn’t have an answer and wished me luck in reaching nextel.
the second time i called, same number, a woman answered and was quicker to figure out where to transfer me. in the process she disconnected me.
i called my voicemail and wrote down the number nextel left there, and called them directly. after five minutes on hold, i clicked the web chat button on their site. a sales rep quickly came on, and i explained my situation with my order number. his response (no lie) was to paste the link for “check order status” page, like i didn’t do that already. then he typed “it looks like it’s in progress.” which doesn’t fucking tell me anything at all. i told him i was returning nextel’s phone call and he goes, “did they give you a number to call?” so i told him thanks for nothing and signed off.
finally at the number they left on my voicemail i got a girl who was nice and knowledgeable and who listened to my story in amazement, then apologized. i told her i knew it wasn’t her fault and asked her what info they needed. she proceeded to ask me if my address was still 123 cherry lane (in case it changed from two days ago) and finally told me my credit was approved with no deposit required. turns out there was a conflict with my zip code in their system which happens a lot.
is this a harbinger of things to come with nextel? we used to be with sprint and their customer service was horrid. verizon we have really had very few issues with, but they aren’t outstanding. i am hoping and praying nextel will be good for us, and that in 2 years when my nextel contract is up i can switch to alltel (their “my circle” feature is just what the doctor ordered).
input welcome.
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 5th, 2006 @ 20:22PDT
i had wp set to email me every time a comment needed moderation, and the recent spam attack (300+ comment spam in one day) got my hosting co’s attention. they thought i was spamming myself. ha! i changed the wp setting and now all is well. i think.
love, emmie | No Comments »
July 3rd, 2006 @ 04:43PDT
i can’t speak for the other girls who i assume are fine. but i am fine. tired and in debt and overworked but fine.
there is too much comment spam here!! i am so tired of cleaning the blog.
i just got an e-mail from my hosting company saying “hey, we noticed you are sending out bulk e-mails, which we don’t agree with, but you’re free to do it, read our spam policy, your account will be disabled if you send more than 200 an hour.”
????????????????????
if they spent five minutes with me they would realize that i check my email at home like once a MONTH because i cringe at having to weed out the bulk shit i get.
i emailed them to correct them (politely) and ask for any info they have, since i use a totally different smtp server than theirs anyhow. it annoys me that they think i’m a spammer, i feel my reputation has been sullied in the worst way! spamming is one of those crimes where even if you are exonerated people always think it about you…
i miss blog. i miss you guys. i miss the girls.
love, Administrator | No Comments »
March 30th, 2006 @ 22:54PST
first of all let me say cosmo has gone completely flaccid.
i used to relish it, but i bought a copy with lindsay lohan on the cover this month and it sucks balls. boy told me that only one of the “ten sex goddess secrets” actually works. and that you have to follow it up with some kick-ass oral anyway. so back to basics, yeah?
there was an ad for a weight loss pill which i will not name here for spammy reasons. the ad promises you don’t have to do anything except take the pills and you will lose 15-25 pounds in 4 weeks or your money back. i had one hand on the phone and the other on my visa card when i decided to google it. it is apparently very popular already in europe since most of the forum sites on it were in german or italian or french. however i did find a forum on 3 fat chicks that breaks down all the ingredients and what they do. it is apparently your standard diet pill. and with lots of complaints about backorders and misdirected payments, etc… so that would have probably been stupid of me.
they did have this one article about a girl who blogged and got caught by her employer blogging about her industry. she lost that job but had another one on hold but then lost that one too. but in the end she got a big book deal anyway and lots of PR.
what if i were discovered at work? omg. i can’t even think of it and still breathe.
someday i will totally shock you all by taking off the mask. and then you will probably ask for your money back…
love, emmie | 5 Comments »
March 30th, 2006 @ 22:48PST
and a crappy keyboard… boy broke it all while i was away!! i now have three computers without ms office which i need to spreadsheet crap and fix my resume! and i can’t find the disk either. also no photoshop or pretty much any other cool program. my thunderbird setup is totally lost and i am left with stupid webmail which makes me wade through eons of spam. i logged in yesterday and nearly puked when i saw over 1000 messages… some of them i am sure are important (renew your domain name or hey your bill is late etc.)…
i am clairvoyant or something. immediately after that last post about my dad this big family crisis happened that threw us together unexpectedly. for the last three weeks he has literally called me every single day. that’s more than he has called me the _entire_ time since i moved away (ten years now). i think it freaked him out a little. he made some wiseass crack about his cell phone bill.
it was odd too because my mother still really loves his family and vice versa and i know it eats him up inside. she has been polite and maintained her distance for a long time now. but this crisis was too big for her not to be there. let me just say that i had dinner in a mexican restaurant with both of my biological parents for the first time since i was like six. it was completely surreal…
and the ghosts there are just overpowering!! i kept staring hard at every person i saw walking along, in case i was related to them but might not recognize them since i never go home enough. and my dad called me stupid when i smoked a cigarette. my mom expressed her concern and then made me give her one. she proceeded to make silly faces and try to blow smoke rings at me the entire time. so they both accomplished the same thing, but i hate my mom a lot less…
i mentioned that i was not the only smoker in the family and my father totally bristled at that for some reason!! he took complete offense and demanded names. most of them are my cousins and i was like, fuck that! they do it and i do it and i am not going to rat them out like that. also he has known that i smoke for about ten years but he always pretends to forget. either that or he really does forget because he doesn’t think or know that much about me.
my mother told me i have to stop now. i asked her how old she was before she stopped hating her father. she said she still has bad days, and i said alright then, leave it.
the crisis is miraculously resolved. however i must share with you the joy of having to sit at the departing gate with frat boys to the left (no, you can’t take your cooler of beer on the plane) and cheerleaders to the right (CSU Cheer!!!!). there were also these five girls next to me who spent about an hour sharing their common brain cell to solve a people magazine crossword. it was fucking torturous, let me tell you!
airline chick: the flight is oversold and we are looking for volunteers to take a later flight. you will also receive a $400 travel voucher, a hotel for the night, ground transportation, and two meals.
crossword chick: does that include drinks?? if it does, we should totally take it!
crossword chick 2: what is a three-letter word for “guitar legend paul”? it starts with an “L” and ends with an “S”.
crossword chick 3: LOS paul!!
crossword chick 4: boobs?
me: *sigh*
i am not lying, i promise. i wound up taking a flight the next day, when the forecast was only partly ditzy with a 20% chance of spring breakers.
ugh.
love, emmie | No Comments »
March 30th, 2006 @ 22:35PST
are you serious? 300k hits?
for real? we’ve been blogging since 2002???
no…….
come on!!
see what happens when i go away?
love, emmie | No Comments »
March 5th, 2006 @ 10:36PST
i am really having an emotional crisis here.
i am at a total loss to understand WHY after all these years i am still so concerned with what my father thinks of me and his opinions!! my mother is the one who raised me, practically alone (with the help of a meager monthly check and not much else). i gave her hell and grew up to be sort of responsible but a little troubled, and i told her practically everything, including all of my fuck-ups. she always listened and offered advice and sometimes loaned me money even without me asking for it. now i have straightened my life out and she is there cheering me on.
my father, on the other hand, fucked up his marriage to my mother, and i didn’t blame her for leaving him. he lived in the same town for four years after they split up and then he moved out of state when i was ten. he then got re-married to someone much younger than him, and they moved back into my hometown when i was a senior in high school, almost out of the house. they lived 20 minutes away from me and he never called me, not once. one time i called him to ask if we could spend father’s day together and he wanted to know what the point was since i didn’t have a present for him. i was so upset that i hung up on him.
since i moved out of state ten years ago they have come to visit me exactly once, for a special occasion, and that was nine years ago. the only time he has ever called me is when someone is sick or dying (although the past two years he did actually call me on my birthday). she calls me back but usually about two weeks after i call them first.
my father is totally impressed that i can live where i live because it is not a cheap area. he is sort of under the impression that i make really good money too which i don’t (and which i never claimed to). my mother knows my actual salary and frets about me running up too much credit card debt (which i have).
so when it comes down to personal details of my life i have actually lied to my father and my stepmother to keep them from knowing the truth, while i usually tell the whole truth to my mother and sometimes cause her concern… i also have a problem saying to my father “you’re an asshole, why did you do this thing that hurt my feelings?” instead i just run away and cry for a day or two.
i know that part of this problem is my non-confrontational nature, where i sometimes have trouble standing up for myself. i have stood up to my mother a couple of times when i felt she was wrong or hurt my feelings, and she took it on the chin and apologized. it was still really really hard to do, but somehow it is actually impossible to do this with my father.
another part is that my father makes shit up in his head and then he believes it. and then he tells everyone around him in an effort to sully my reputation in the family. like after that father’s day thing, he told everyone that his only daughter didn’t buy him a father’s day present and that not only did i not even want to spend the day with him, but i actually hung up on him when he called.
so why? why do i care? i convince myself that our relationship is a superficial one at best, and i get okay with that. then he does or says something that makes me want more from him, and i let him draw me in, right up to the flame that burns my face off, again.
fuckin’ a.
love, emmie | 6 Comments »
February 27th, 2006 @ 21:24PST
i am circling around the idea of attempting to publish part of this blog in traditional print.
leave it to me to go backwards… most people are trying to go from print to cyberprint. not me, boy. that is one thing you should know about me, i usually do it bass-ackwards.
although if you really knew me you would know that i fucking LOVE paper. too much to describe. i cannot ever imagine that there would be no paper at all… sorry trees!! my best friend is all into paperless crap and she yells at me for printing stuff that i could e-mail instead. i can’t help it!! it also helps me to physically write things. like when i type, things sound cohesive and organized but when i write with ink or pencil, that is when the omg creative things happen. i could totally learn to love paper made out of hemp instead of trees. i love textured paper so that might even work out nicely…
anyway i have used amazon exhaustively to find out how many blog books there are so far. i have found i think nine books that contain blog posts as a major part of the material. only two of them are of a single blog totally; the others are mix tapes.
i made a list of the publishers and saved it on my hard drive. just in case…
(i fully intend to compensate the other girls for whatever of theirs i use, btw. i am not an asshole like that. but do i need a lawyer to figure that part out?? i don’t want anybody to get gypped because i’m too naive to know what to do.)
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
February 27th, 2006 @ 20:23PST
every time he touches me there it just gets better and better…
who would have believed that it was possible to be with one person for a long time and even doing the same thing and it feels different every time??
orgasms are the very best thing ever.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
February 9th, 2006 @ 15:09PST
am i totally horrible for logging into my mom’s email account to find out what she ordered me for my birthday?
i must know dammit!!
if it is any consolation i did actually almost cry at the sweetness of it… and i promise to act as surprised when i get it as i was when i found out what it was…
love, emmie | 6 Comments »
February 9th, 2006 @ 15:08PST
you people have me worried, really worried…
nary a comment on the inexplicable increase in size of a male member with which i have been rather close for quite a long time now.
HOWEVER
one post about red meat and look at the nutritionists come out of the woodwork!!
i am glad that you guys can relate to the steak thing. does that mean i’m all alone on the size issue? or possibly i have just drained all the sexiness out of this blog and you guys therefore don’t know the topic when it does bite you on the ass.
it is almost my birthday. yay me!
not a physical vampire, probably an emotional one tho.
*smooch*
love, emmie | 3 Comments »
February 4th, 2006 @ 20:46PST
there are times when i know that i am a carnivore.
if i go too long without eating some red meat, i mean REAL red and REAL meat (i.e. rare steak), i start to freak out a little bit. i can handle it for like a couple of months but after that something has to moo for me or i just can’t function. i think it is the iron more than anything else. but i have tried taking iron pills and it is NOT the same. i know it isn’t protein because i eat chicken and fish and i give blow jobs. but none of that will fill the void.
it nearly always happens around my period too, but just not every single month. as long as i have been eating a couple of servings of bloody red meat a month, it doesn’t get out of hand. but steak is not cheap, and i am, and so is boy. so it is hard to eat it very often. i am also kind of a steak snob (entirely boy’s fault). i used to not know the difference between choice and prime, but boy fixed that by taking me to the local italian butcher for a porterhouse. i have not bought a piece of meat at the supermarket since that day…
i have tried to explain this craving to boy, and he pretends to understand. but i think he thinks it is of the “i am craving chocolate chip cookies” variety, which it is NOT. it is probably more akin to a pregnancy craving, where i have heard some women say that the food they want consumes their thoughts until they get it.
sort of like men with sex.
okay, that is how i can make him understand… the way that men cannot function unless they get laid, i am useless until i get a bloody steak. yeah. he should totally get that.
like it started thursday, and i have literally thought about it at least once an hour since then. i did buy two steaks this morning but we have both been sick and did not feel like cooking them. a few hours ago i found myself eyeing them hungrily and actually weighing the odds of getting bacterial infection from just eating it raw… i wondered if i would like the taste of it.
do any other women know what i am talking about? i have only one friend who claims to understand this… am i a vampire?
love, emmie | 7 Comments »
January 28th, 2006 @ 13:23PST
actually she is starting to bore me. now that my drugs are starting to work.
love, ellie | 2 Comments »
January 28th, 2006 @ 11:01PST
“whatever, get up lazy ass. Put your shoes on and meet me at the pier. I hear satan is going to be there.â€
love, ellie | No Comments »
January 22nd, 2006 @ 20:15PST
i also have been meaning to post this for like two weeks now. i am dying to know if this has happened to anyone else.
a couple of weeks ago i went down on him and all of a sudden i realized that his cock was huge. if he had ordered any pumps or pills i would know about it because he would be all proud and point out that he was doing it for me. he also does not shave there and never has, so it would not be an optical illusion.
he is over 30 and i swear to you his cock just grew significantly. it was also very noticeable during sex, particularly in the female superior position… omg. it just hit places that it seems to me like it hadn’t before. also i noticed it again the times since then that we have slept together so it is not like i wasn’t wearing my glasses that day or something…
this kind of worries me that i am thinking about it for two weeks enough that i remembered to post it. i always said size didn’t matter in general. i mean there was the guy who was freakishly small that i couldn’t feel at all, and there was the one so large that i fled in terror. but in general for averagely endowed guys, i never noticed the difference between 6 and 8 inches, until now.
does this mean that i am shallow? on one hand it is a nice (!) surprise but on the other it freaks me out a little because i can’t explain it. if i love it does that mean it wasn’t good enough before? and will it give HIM a complex? and what if i don’t love it but it stays this way, or what if it happens again a year from now??
interesting fact about emmie #783: stupid things often make me a nervous wreck…
love, emmie | 4 Comments »
January 22nd, 2006 @ 20:09PST
hahahahaha
boy moved hard drives around in our computers and thusly cleared all programs and crap off. including firefox and cookies and bookmarks etc. so a fresh install of IE bleh, and i pull down the address bar to see which sites he has been to so far. this one is on the list.
i hope it is not too scandalous for him to handle. he has not mentioned it in a very very long time…
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 22nd, 2006 @ 20:07PST
denver is not going to the superbowl even though i wanted them to. roethlisberger is pretty fucking accurate i have to say. and denver just did not bring the defense at all. sigh.
also it happened again, on directv they have a “sneak peak” at the new season of something or other. i was so infuriated when i saw that!! it is just like when that chick in accounting sends me an email in smurf blue 12 point comic sans. or like the 11 messages of comment spam i just deleted (thank you wp for catching it).
don’t be mad at me either – i wasn’t deliberately keeping your comment from being posted because i disagree. actually you made several valid points that i was not aware of. but i just wasn’t logging on for several days now and that is why it is late. sorry…
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 22nd, 2006 @ 12:52PST
omg there are a couple of blogs i read with some sort of compulsion. they are so bad! the people writing them the worst most lame and boring sort of generic confused sheep dazed by headlights. i cant help reading them!
love, ellie | 3 Comments »
January 21st, 2006 @ 12:45PST
she takes everything to the next level. and while you may think that that sounds like a good thing and maybe it is. but it is damn exhausting to be around. to try to keep up with? to compare yourself to? think about it.
imagine you discover something new something you are excited about. you tell all your friends adn for a while you get really into it. then this other person gets all into it too and you’re happy about it. but then its like they have no other life bvesides this thing. they get really good at it. know everyone else involved in it including the higher up bigwigs. meanwhile you feel all deflated and lame as all fuck.
you know?!
love, ellie | No Comments »
January 21st, 2006 @ 11:06PST
cars are whooshing by and i am snug with coffee in my bathrobe. i love to be in this position.i have a book next to me and my ever present laptop open on my lap. sometimes it is more fun to watch the people moving below and to wonder what they are doing.
last night was good. i blew off my girlfriends and went to see a band instead. that one chick was there. she NEVER remebers my name. nevermind that i have had her over my knee and spanked her bare ass. and once i sat in her kitchen and ate delicious homemade pesto and pasta. it’s okay because i cant remember her name either.
stumbled on some friends and went to watcha movie at their house. i love any musical where they are wearing gold lame bikinis and simulating sex while all singing a song about coming. who doesnt?
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
January 16th, 2006 @ 12:41PST
i have always wanted a red bra. i would wear it with a white wife beater and black slacks. it would be hot. but i’ve never bought myself one. i dont know why.
love, ellie | 3 Comments »
January 16th, 2006 @ 12:19PST
freedom is a heavy load, a great and strange burden for the spirit to undertake.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
January 16th, 2006 @ 12:12PST
i canty stand watching people fall apart. people you dont know very well and so see them though the eyes of unreality anyway. you see them as a fixture rather than real i mean. but then you see they are not a fixture. there is history there and personality that you know nothing about. forces beyond them and you. people they know that you dont know. it serves to show me how seperate people are. how we cant really know the people we are close to, not really. like how that snippy comment i made last night might stay with him forever and resurface 20 years from now. how you alway make snippy comments at me. how i take care of you when you faint in the hardware store how you dont take care of me ever. things are lightening a little for me. i can see people better. and i am not so insular. but there is a hidden fear of doing it wrong. that people are not forgiving.
love, ellie | 2 Comments »
January 16th, 2006 @ 12:04PST
you know that when something bad is happening to you and everyone you know knows about it that they are not only sitting around feeling sorry for you but they are looking at each other and saying, “oh man, thank god that isnt happening to us.”
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
January 11th, 2006 @ 09:43PST
either i subconsiously and through my own behavior attract and keep people who are assholes or it’s just a coincedence. which is unlikely. god! i have tried to distance myself from her so many times. it never works.
is it just me being paranoid? she disdaines me doesnt she? uses me? fuckfuckfuck.
you know how you sometimers think of ‘moviestarme’ you know like who would play me in the movie about my fantastic/boring life? well, she picked a fat, uneducated sloppy slut to play me.
FUCK HER
also, I WANT TO QUIT MY JOB.
love, ellie | 2 Comments »
January 11th, 2006 @ 09:31PST
i want to not go to work today. now the question is… do i go in and make a show of going in? or do i not bother? i mean, its possible that i could go in and then leave and then no one would notice really that i was gone all day. fuckfuckfuck.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
January 8th, 2006 @ 18:54PST
that it really fucking aggravates me when people write “sneak peak”. like on SHOWTIME’S website for the L word… dude, if you work at showtime can’t you afford a proofreader??? if you don’t have one would you like to hire me? because i will catch that error and a whole lot more…
and now let the mounting commence.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
January 8th, 2006 @ 18:26PST
i saw this commercial on tv last night for some new antidepressant pill. and it is interesting, how commonplace and casual depression is now. it used to be this big nasty secret in the 50s and 60s, right? mother’s little helper and mrs. robinson and so forth? it started me thinking and i basically sat around and said all of this to boy while he politely nodded and watched tv over my shoulder.
people not taking responsibility for their own shit is really really an issue for me. my annoyance with this sue-happy culture started with that court case where mcdonald’s gave the lady coffee that was too hot. (fucking a, it is COFFEE. don’t you want it hot??)
it has only continued with the big tobacco lawsuits (is there any such thing as HEALTHY smoke??) and fast food causing obesity (or a HEALTHY hamburger??) and yet another hot coffee lawsuit against dunkin donuts (god dammit, don’t you people read the news??) …
i agree that our society is pretty much vile and full of amoral shit and that prime time tv, cartoons, the radio, and even video games are not for kids anymore… magazines give little girls self-esteem complexes and movies glamorize smoking and the tv shows too much gun violence. yes yes and yes. of course yes to all.
now here is what i wonder though:
are the magazines WHOLLY responsible for the little girls’ low self-esteem? if there were no cosmo or glamour would little sally still be bulimic and think she has to blow some frat boy to get some love?
would a kid still become a smoker later in life if all the movies were prohibited from showing the heroes and heroines as smokers? possibly because he is genetically predisposed or because he wants to give his parents the finger?
so now we have the nature vs. nurture thing…
apparently depression is a chemical imbalance that people are genetically programmed for. and cancer has a lot more to do with chromosomes than we thought. and every kid whose parents have trouble concentrating have add.
here is my main issue and i am sure that some people will have counterpoints to this which is fine. but inconsistency is another one of my buttons, and if you are going to say that certain people need treatment because they can’t control their sex addiction/alcohol addiction/violent impulses and they are therefore SICK, then just declare the whole world fucked and get it over with. like i smoke, and i am addicted to smoking, and i know that it is bad for me but i do it anyway. because i choose to. and my grandfather, he drinks, and he is addicted to drinking, and he knows that it is bad for him but he does it anyway. yet i have a nasty habit which is hated by the public at large and he has a disease and gets the sympathy and the help from his insurance company for related health problems and a second, third, ninety-eighth chance when he falls off the wagon. after all, it is a DISEASE. this may sound dense but i do not understand why compulsive gamblers and sex addicts and gang members and alcoholics and junkies have diseases and people who smoke are just rude.
just the idea of a ‘treatment’ program implies that you cannot make your own decisions at all. people with cancer, aids, cataracts, anemia, appendicitis, irritable bowel syndrome, etc. need treatment because there is something inside their bodies that they cannot influence. that is very different from choosing to have a drink or a cigarette or a big mac or another round of roulette.
also it is interesting that nobody is going after the alcohol manufacturers like they have the tobacco companies (and to a lesser degree the gun makers). having smoking declared a disease would be a smart move for philip morris maybe… it is going that way for the gun makers according to a may 2005 study by harvard published in science magazine (it said that teens witnessing gun violence are 2x more likely to do gun violence.)
so how come nobody is suing the candy companies for making diabetics go into insulin shock? could it be maybe because diabetics know that they have diabetes and they don’t eat sugar that much?? and that is a bonafide disease. why can this logic not be applied to everything that is not good for people??
i am not lobbying to get smoking declared a disease or anything like that. i think it is just a habit that i happen to enjoy. like drinking and sex and gambling and fatty food and and and. if you declare everything that is bad for people a disease and beyond our control, then we have no free will left. that means that everything our constitution is based on is crap and so much for christianity and the notion of god, too.
i have been through a few different kinds of hell. you can count me in on paternal abandonment, emotional, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse, near-poverty, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, rape, stalking, sexual harrassment etc. yes i have been through all of that. and i am still here. and i get up in the morning and i go to work and i come home and i have a relationship with someone i love. and i do my best not to let shit bother me and when it does i blog about it. i am not on welfare but i cannot afford therapy and that is okay with me. i will suck up and deal like i have for the past three decades.
sometimes my life sucks. i have some health problems and i will die someday. it could have all been a lot nicer up till now.
and who will pay punitive damages when i do?
love, emmie | 4 Comments »
January 8th, 2006 @ 18:01PST
for me to go over there and mount him.
just as soon as i get it all out i most definitely will do that…
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 8th, 2006 @ 18:00PST
i am so happy. my favorite shows are coming back this week and next. hooray!!
i want a program that will write a personality profile based on my tivo season passes. here they are, in random order:
- 24
- the L word
- commander-in-chief
- er
- american idol (shut up, it’s funny)
- the apprentice (i know the season is over)
- south park
- the daily show
- saturday night live
- weeds (where did it go??)
- law & order: special victims unit
- boston legal
- desperate housewives
- the e! true hollywood story
- project runway
so what does that say about me i wonder?
ps: i am not a reality show junkie; i boycotted it after i realized that the real world wasn’t real at all (i think it was the seattle season). i picked up the apprentice and american idol so that i can participate in conversations on smoke breaks at work. project runway i started watching one saturday because i was dying to see the designs that a nobody who thinks he is somebody (hello austin) comes up with. the queenish melodrama is priceless on that show!!
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
January 6th, 2006 @ 20:15PST
how come nobody ever insisted that i listen to tmbg? i finally did and holy shit i love them. their songs are like blog posts, like the things i dream about. trivial stuff that nobody notices but me.
an entire song devoted to the glory of BANGS. yay!
love, emmie | 3 Comments »
January 6th, 2006 @ 11:38PST
jon stewart is hosting this year!!
i love that man.
love, emmie | No Comments »
January 4th, 2006 @ 22:30PST
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
January 4th, 2006 @ 16:56PST
clearly it is not in the gutter at all. i doubt i have ever had so many comments posted to one entry so fast!
this must mean that either
a) everyone wants to talk about getting a good computer deal, or
b) the comment ‘boys are stupid’ is controversial
i will go back to my knitting now. wait, i can’t knit. or cook. hrm.
pretty much i write, fuck, and smoke. if i were a useless consumer product i would be a swiss army pen which includes a cunt attachment and a portable chimney.
ps: see wedding crashers. the ’shout’ montage is SO worth it.
love, emmie | 8 Comments »
January 2nd, 2006 @ 15:03PST
bad thoughts: lost but not forgotten.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
December 31st, 2005 @ 10:41PST
yes they are. yup yup yup.
my aunt with the computer problem wanted a new one, a PC, and charged boy and boy2 to help her find a good one for under $1000. no problem, says me, she is not a hardcore gamer or a graphic designer or or or. she just wants to check her email and look at pictures of her grandkids etc. i’m thinking dell or gateway for under $600 which will make her real happy.
but the BOYS have to do it. and boy2 finds a coupon for 30% off a machine of $1000 or more. so he specs up a good machine and comes up with $850 after the coupon. boy2 is not satisfied with this at all because there must be a 19″ instead of a 17″ and there must be a whole gig of memory instead of just 512 and the speakers must have subwoofers!! (on this point boy1 and boy2 are in agreement)
all the while boy is declaring that he could build a machine himself for half the price. which he could because he does know how. however he is usually so overcommitted to helping everyone in his family do everything that his queue is full and his energy is low and it will honestly be next summer before it gets done. there is a time when convenience is worth the money dammit!
in the end they went up to $1200 even with the coupon….
and the last thing boy can say to me is “don’t ever argue with me about hardware again”…
love, emmie | 8 Comments »
December 30th, 2005 @ 20:55PST
i never have anything interesting to say about anything.
i blame the mental disorders. folks without them will never understand.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
December 27th, 2005 @ 19:58PST
i wonder… i made this choice to not be flakey starving artist. so now i slave away at an office job and support my starving artist friends.
i am a chump. god damnit.
love, ellie | 7 Comments »
December 27th, 2005 @ 10:11PST
actually i would like to find out what he likes from ME. not what he used to like from you.
ho!ho! HO!
serves me for taking a sex class from his ex.
love, ellie | 2 Comments »
December 27th, 2005 @ 09:56PST
emergency rooms and icu, people dying, marriages destroyed, seriously injured babies, sneak attacks by crippling debt, social workers and cops and little kids refusing to speak to their parents.
that pretty much sums up my christmas this year.
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 27th, 2005 @ 08:44PST
clearly you are new around here. thank you for your input; however, let me bring you up to speed.
you are correct that i don’t understand macs. however, i did not buy one because i wanted one; it came with my tuition – my graphic design tuition.
people “like me†who “don’t really know that much about computers at all in such great frequency†frustrate me too, since i worked tech support for nearly five years.
i do not blame customer relations for everything; in fact, i readily took the blame on myself for not reading the fine print. but my rep was not satisfied with that, he had to point out that the print “wasn’t actually THAT fineâ€â€¦ i was irritated with his attitude more than anything.
the reason my original tech support agent figured out that it was a format problem was because i told her that i had an ibook. she said right away, “oh, well then you don’t have a dvd drive, that’s the problem.” so it sounded to me like ibooks did not come standard with dvd drives, although i think that powerbook G4s did. even the cheapest windows machines have come with a dvd-r standard for a couple of years now. apple could also have just made tiger downloadable, as many companies do (norton, etc.), and avoided this problem completely. (microsoft could do this too.) also, microsoft.com sells XP on a CD, not on DVD.
i realize that mac and windows are far different, and this is one of the things i am lamenting. put simply, macs are just too normal and easy for those of us who learned everything we know (and can troubleshoot problems on) windows. it is like growing up in a town where the highway system is complicated and backwards and then moving to manhattan, where all the streets are nicely numbered and the addresses make sense.
i did put in two years of time learning graphic design on an ibook. that was a long time ago, and i do not have time any longer to learn anything not related to my primary OS, which is windows. my ibook was a pretty paperweight before i gave it to my aunt.
i don’t really give a shit if people turn away from macs or not… that is simply not my problem. however, i have worked in customer service/tech support/customer relations for the last TEN YEARS, and i know how to talk to a customer so that he or she does not feel like an asshole when i am done. do you?
you are wrong – i would not pay $300 to upgrade to winXP when i could simply buy a new machine for $400 that already had it pre-loaded.
merry christmas 
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
December 19th, 2005 @ 20:39PST
i am going to start a customer service blog, i swear it. someday. just so i can post crap like this.
i worked in customer service for ten years. my mother was a customer service manager in the financial sector. she drilled customer service stuff into my head just by example when i was in my formative years.
one crucial difference: she is a virgo and stands up for herself. i am not and do not and will never. usually. (phone companies are the sole exception to this rule for various historical reasons.)
i have an iBook that i never use anymore. it is old and slow and i don’t like macs (shut up you mac freaks, that is not the point here). i took all my shit off of it and gave it to my aunt who did not have a computer and needed one desperately. not too smart, given the fact that i have years of experience troubleshooting windows, but i have to go online to find out how to uninstall a program on a mac. because she WILL call me when the iBook breaks.
and she did.
she wanted to check her AOL mail on the web, so I show her how to open IE5, which is what my iBook has. AOL’s site says “come back when you have a better browser, asshole”.
me: fine, how about IE6?
internet: not for mac os9 you don’t!
me: okay, how about firefox? i love firefox.
internet: try again.
me: ummmmmm… i heard great things about safari?
internet: mac osX please.
me: grumble grumble. fine, i will upgrade to osX.
apple: click here to order for only $129.00
me: what? no instant download? only a disc in the mail??? grrr. fine. *click*caching*
the disc comes in the mail and i am excited because it is black and scary and it is called TIGER. rowwwwwwwwr!! let’s load this shit and get my aunt off my phone every day (”is it here yet?”).
me: load osX please.
iBook: i don’t know what you want to do.
me: i said, load osX.
iBook: i don’t understand that.
me: um, READ THE DISC.
iBook: what disc?
me: THIS disc.
iBook: ohhhhhh, that disc. should i format that disc? formatting will delete everything on it.
me: nooooooooooo!
tech support: may i help you?
me: my iBook doesn’t like the disc. it wants to delete it.
ts: iBooks don’t read DVDs, only CDs.
me: huh?
ts: you can exchange your DVD for a CD.
me: sigh. how?
ts: download this form and pay $9.95 more for taxes and mail it in. they will send you a postage-paid box to return the DVD along with osX on CD.
me: grumble grumble. *download*pay*mail*
letter from apple tech support: you forgot to include the DVD, we need that first.
tech support: you have to send in the DVD first.
me: that is not what i was told.
ts: you could talk to customer relations. they are open for twenty more minutes.
me: *holding for 30 minutes*hanging up*giving up*
after my third phone call to try and get customer relations i finally got someone named anthony. he was snippy from the start.
me: nobody asked me if i wanted a DVD or a CD.
anthony: if you look on the order page, there is a list of system requirements…
me: yeah okay, i know, most customers don’t read the fine print, that’s my fault.
anthony: well the print isn’t actually THAT fine…
me: OKAY, i will take the hit on that one. i just think it would be nice if you offered the option of a CD format on the order page.
anthony: well CDs are very expensive to produce, most of our customers have at least a DVD drive.
me: oh, so you didn’t sell many iBooks then?
anthony: we actually sold quite a few of them.
me: well i don’t understand why i have to pay to ship this back when tech support told me you would send me a postage-paid box.
anthony: as a one-time exception i could send you the disc for free if you will mail back the DVD.
me: i already gave my credit card for the extra taxes, i just don’t want the hassle and cost of mailing this thing back to you! can’t you just send me a box??
anthony: it is actually easier for me to just send you the disc for free.
me: fine, whatever.
anthony: call them and tell them not to charge your credit card.
me: yargh.
anthony: and if the disc doesn’t get to you by say end of next week, just shoot me an e-mail.
me: grumble grumble.
he was really kind of snide and had to have the last word on fucking EVERYTHING. like me in my prime on my worst customer service day ever. which i will share with you, since you asked.
i had been on a tech support call for 20 minutes, apologizing and agreeing with the customer that the website was deficient and offering alternate solutions to get her what she wanted. she just did not give a shit about solving the problem, and my call queue was WAY backed up. so i decided to end the call.
lady: so what you’re saying is that you don’t want my money?
me (in end-call mode): yes ma’am, that’s exactly what i said. didn’t you hear me?
lady (screaming): WHAT?? i want your supervisor’s name and phone number!!!!!!!!!
me: here is the information you requested. is there anything else i can help you with?
lady: *click*
she never did contact my supervisor, who i told about my call-end tactic. she got a big chuckle and probably would have written up someone who wasn’t me.
my point here is that based on this anthony character and the annoyance of apple’s “media exchange program”, along with the idiocy of the mac system, i will NEVER buy a mac again.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
December 19th, 2005 @ 20:14PST
sharing a computer with boy/any version of windows that has mandatory profiles for each user. why you ask?
because he uninstalled iTunes which foococked ALL OF THOSE TRACKS that i paid $.99 for; now my media player cannot find them somehow.
because he changed the default image editor to be some nero program instead of what it rightfully should be, photoshop cs (i have a certification in graphic design, hellooooooooooo).
because zonealarm now locks all internet activity after 5 minutes of idle time and i keep forgetting.
stop fucking with me!!
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
December 19th, 2005 @ 20:07PST
i haven’t been posting or checking blog stats in so long that i totally just realized sitemeter added all kinds of nifty geographic location-tracking stats! a graphical map of hits and so forth.
girls: do you realize we have visitors from finland, egypt, australia, morocco, belgium, saudi arabia, germany, the uk, turkey, india, korea, croatia, bosnia-herzegovinia, etc.???
that is SO fucking cool. you guys should all totally say hi, however you say it where you are from.
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
December 19th, 2005 @ 19:16PST
is that apparently alcohol makes me more forward and multi-orgasmic.
so another round then, right?
love, emmie | 4 Comments »
December 19th, 2005 @ 19:15PST
the other night i tied on a few. only a few. because we knew the bartender. there is a drink i really like, it is called a sicilian kiss. it is half amaretto and half southern comfort. i drink it as a shot because i drink everything as a shot. because shots are all i love in this world…
so there was a private party at the bar but we didn’t know that. so we went over there after dinner and even though they were checking names bartender got us in. he served us for two hours on the party’s tab, which i felt kind of crappy about. but he told me to shut up because there was nothing better than free drinks.
boy was with me and he stepped out to smoke (i stayed in to keep our spots at the very busy bar). i hate not being able to smoke in a bar anymore, it is fucking blasphemy!! however while i was pondering my next shot, this olderish guy came up next to me and ordered a drink (where boy used to be sitting). he kept turning his head to look at me while waiting for his drink. i totally ignored him and kept my eyes on the football game (which i was actually watching but it was a commercial). he leaned over and touched his shoulder to mine (don’t do that unless you are my friend). and he went, “whatcha watching?” and i went “denver and buffalo.” and he went “is it INTERESTING?” like as if he didn’t believe that i actually like football (everyone knows it is too complicated for silly little girls) and i said “YEAH.” and after that he got his drink and left, and then boy came back. and i was so glad that i squeezed his thigh for like ten minutes and nuzzled his neck too.
i managed to catch a light buzz after like five mixed drinks and six shots. it took a long time for some reason, usually i am way cheaper than that.
we went home and watched the other game, the one i tivo’d earlier in the night. but then i distracted boy by pretzeling him with my legs and breathing on his neck. and it was way more fun than football….
usually he gets off twice and then i get off once. this is not because he is selfish; it is more because (as i have stated before) when i am done, i am usually DONE. like it annoys me physically to have any more, so i save it up for one big hurrah and then call it quits. but not this night…
i actually got off three times in the act. then i tried for a fourth and it didn’t work out right away, so boy went to go get a drink. while he was gone, it did work out, and he came back to me writhing and screaming (without him). and he watched and was like “wow, was that four?”
and all i could do was gasp for air.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
December 19th, 2005 @ 19:05PST
i took a three-day business trip with like four hundred of my colleagues. i met people and even liked some of them.
i did not drink myself into a stupor nor embarrass myself.
YAY!!
you don’t understand, this is a serious accomplishment for me…
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 19th, 2005 @ 19:03PST
i am such a water sign in so many ways. i totally adapt my speech and accent to the situation. like if i talk to someone from back home, i slip right back into the southern drawl that I NEVER HAD TO BEGIN WITH… i have seen miracles worked and men fall to their knees at the feet of my mother, who is the epitome of a genteel southern belle. it is really damn easy to get whatever i want when i talk that way.
when i am home though, with all these yankees who speak so aggressively, i tend to do it too. for a long time i didn’t but then i realized that they can’t actually HEAR anyone who doesn’t yell and sound angry all the time. this generally results in me sounding like i am stark raving mad about teeny tiny things and sometimes i have to check myself (though nobody around me seems to notice).
also i have noticed that at work i have this tendency to sort of figure out someone’s neurotic sticking points and just let them have whatever they want. it’s a very wise picking of battles kind of thing and leads to me being pretty well-liked by those around me. however the big problem with this is that i simply can NOT apply this to my personal life… at home i am a control freak and must be right all the time. possibly this is because i give too much to people at work??
i am truly a creature of comfort though. water signs tend to be very adaptable, and where my living/working situation is concerned, anything where there is a habit (smoking, cursing, etc.) i am pretty much an asino.
it is kind of weird being a contradiction in terms like that. it actually keeps me awake nights because i want so badly to be able to just CLASSIFY myself. that comes from high school clique angst, i just know it (girls, back me up on that one).
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 19th, 2005 @ 18:56PST
i never did realize how truly dirty a COOKING show can sound, if you just close your eyes and listen to the dialogue…
hee.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
December 19th, 2005 @ 18:55PST
one time i wrote something dirty about santa claus. and it was like fucking crickets out there… nobody responded at ALL i think which is worse than even bad responses…
i still would totally fuck santa though. given the chance, i mean.
love, emmie | No Comments »
December 18th, 2005 @ 16:52PST
I like this girl’s blog
Been reading it for two years
You will like it too:
under her thumb
love, jane | 1 Comment »
December 14th, 2005 @ 09:52PST
you’re all wishing emmie would get on here and post something interesting about sex.
me too.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
December 14th, 2005 @ 09:49PST
not feeling festive at all.
really the best thing to do is to become a hermit. if i cant say anything to anyone no one can be pissed at me or offended.
if you turn a light in a room on where someone is sitting and watching a movie and then you leave with out tuning th elight off and the person watching to movie asks you to turn it off… do you get pissed at the watching person?
i hate it when people need constnat approval.like how many time a day do i have to smile and nod and say good job? unless your like 3 years old you better not need that shit from me.
love, ellie | No Comments »
December 14th, 2005 @ 09:10PST
i’m feeling quite helpless and sad this morning. its not a good way to wake up i’ll tell you.
i’m in a rut and my brain is not functioning as i would wish it. i cant tell if it’s it me or if he is just a prick. and when i think that i get pissed even more because listen, if we get in a fight and i SAY that. dthen immedietly all the onous is on me. it immedietly makes everything me and my brains fault.
i am willing to admit some part fault. but not all of it?! that is just not correct.
i just cant ever seem to break even. i’m getting more and more paranoid, nervous, anxious, angry and sad.
it is clearly time to break into the meds.
but to be honest. i know why i havent broken into them before. it’s because every time i mention it. he start talking about how good exercise is for you and how it helps make you feel better. and also eating right, it helps with depression did you know?
yes fucko i did know that. also meds help too.
i want to say, yes i know you had a bad experience with meds. i know about it. you told me. i sympathize with that experience. but your experience isnt mine. can you please just be supportive of me right now?
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
December 12th, 2005 @ 20:00PST
her: when are you going to make me _______
me: well i could make you a small ________
her: well, i dont want that.
me:(offended and thinking) well FUCK! excuse me for not spending every moment of every day making shit for you!!!
love, ellie | No Comments »
December 8th, 2005 @ 21:46PST
i wonder why people who want gender reasignment always go for a STEREOTYPE of gender-ness.
a boy who feels like he should have been borna girl because he is not loud or violent but soft and nice and colorful and frilly clothing? wha?
i am a girl who feels okay withhving been borna girl. yet i am violent, loud, hate colorful and frilly clothing.
why are those reasons?
love, ellie | 3 Comments »
December 8th, 2005 @ 21:36PST
other pathetic people are sympathetic? why not me?
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
December 8th, 2005 @ 20:54PST
i was reading something and that phrase “she just lies there” came up.
now what exactly does that mean anyway?
if you think about it, if you are a small girl and some huge guy is on top of you pumping away it’s pretty hard to do a lot of moving. y aknow?
so what exactly does that phrase mean?
love, ellie | 2 Comments »
December 8th, 2005 @ 20:52PST
i’ve been really digging on 69 lately.
it’s so very very dirty!!
love, ellie | No Comments »
December 8th, 2005 @ 20:51PST
i am very unhappy with myself right now. i feel like a non-person.
like an asskisser. or a grump. neither is good.
i wish i was a different person right now.
i also wish i was some how a sympathetic character.
love, ellie | No Comments »
December 7th, 2005 @ 09:19PST
noticed that al lot of peoples motivation stmes from old high school anxieties?
it bugs me when i suddenly realize that about someone.
the stero type would be the skinny kid in high school who as an adult works out a lot to build up muscle and is now huge.
the one i encounter quite a lot are the the people who were nerds in high school and now seem to be over compensating
i’m not talking about people i knew in high school. although there is that one… but i’m talking about people who i am friends with or know now. they identified or were labeled nerds. and now they expend a lot of energy to know ing whats current and cool.
i guess i am not condeming that in anyway.
maybe there are people out there who were labeled dumb in high school who are now winning the nobel prize and discovering cures. like how albert einstin was told by a teacher that he should give up on school.
i think what i actually envy about these people is that at least they have some kind of thing driving them. it might be uncouncous.
i need some goals. some drive.
i feel like my younger self was deprived of the proper world view that would have shown me so many possiblities.
i get stuck on little things. people who get stuck on little things never get anything big done. and a bunch of random little things does not a big thing make.
now why do i feel like i have to accomplish a big thing?
clearly i need more coffee this morning.
love, ellie | No Comments »
December 4th, 2005 @ 11:08PST
sometimes i wish someone would expend some effort in an attempt to be friends with me. the past couple of weeks i made a huge effort to reach out ato a couple people.it was hard for me. and i got nothing in return. and now i feel sort of bad and like i suck. and like no one likes me. and that i am totally weird and uninteresting.
god damn it is a terrible feeling.
still! i was really hoping to be friends with that one girl. i so need a good girlfriend close by. and she seemed so similar to me. we hung out that once for like an hour. i proabably came off like a total tool or something. ugh.
love, ellie | 4 Comments »
November 30th, 2005 @ 09:10PST
that i am still hugely bitter about that break up. sorta.
i am bitter about the break up but not the loss of the boy.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 29th, 2005 @ 09:53PST
i had a boyfriend break up with me right after new years.
for new years eve we had gone out to this big party and gotten a hotel room. he was shitty to me in the hotel room before we left for the party. and then while we were there he was a lump. but that was usual.
we got really drunk and fucked when we got back to the room.
3 days later he broke up with me and moved out.
i felt really gross about that drunken sex we had had a few days before. like, if he was going to break up with me why did he fuck me? that’s mean and nasty. it made me feel like a whore in a bad way.
it just made me feel horrible. betrayed. used. and worthless.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 29th, 2005 @ 09:48PST
think about all the little things that you “put up with” in your spouse. there are lots of things i bet.
will they one day make you fall out of love? will you one day 15 years from now look up across the breakfast table (do people have those anymore ?) and realize you are staring at a stranger?
how do you keep connected with the people you love?
if you diont have connections with people besides your spouse how can you keep that one connection over time? having only one connection is not healthy. thus my easrlier point about support network.
now doesnt that make sense? hey you boys out there? doesn’t it?
love, ellie | 4 Comments »
November 29th, 2005 @ 09:40PST
thinking about the other things that keep us going.
our egos.
cluelessness.
what else?
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 29th, 2005 @ 09:40PST
i can not emphasize enough just how important having a network of friends and family is. it is so easyt to lose perspective. and sometimes you dont even know you’ve lost it.
i’ve noticed that men tend to be more isolated. less able to have good support friendships.
do you agree?
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 22nd, 2005 @ 10:05PST
man. it must SUCK royally to be the fat ugly snaggle toothed sister.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 17th, 2005 @ 10:12PST
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 17th, 2005 @ 10:12PST
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 17th, 2005 @ 10:10PST
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 17th, 2005 @ 10:03PST
we had a link on the sidebar not but a year ago. i cant remember what the site was called. but it seemed to be all about this guy and how his wife wasnt fucking him enough.
everyoonce in a whle i randomly think of this guys blog and how fucking stupid and retard he must be.
his posts would be like whiney and like “oh why does my wife not come home from work, see me sitting in the arm chair and then instantly do a strip tease and then tell me i am a slut and suck my cock for 3 hours”
hahaha. DUMBASS!
i can think of like 400 reasons why that never happens. and another 400 reasons why that dumb bitch should divorce him instantly.
but first the three most important and crucial questions for him:
1. how often do you wash your undercarriage?
2. how often do you clean the house, go grocery shopping etc?
and 3. how often do you wash your undercarriage?
one mans journey to marry a whore.
i mean. i could go into details aobut this in referance to my own life. like how having sex with a sweaty dirty partner is bad for women. it causes infections. and how if there are a million chores to be done sex just becomes one of them.
my advice to that man would be. hire a maid, get your wife a massage and milk and honey bath, get on your hands a knees witha toothbrush and scrub the base boards (this is her after work fantasy mind you) and then eat her out for 3 hours.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
November 17th, 2005 @ 09:46PST
i first moved in with a man when i was 19. he was 34. it was pretty great. he was all kind of things but most of all, adnd this is important when you are 19, he was fun. he was up for anything and had experience and i loved it. also, he knew people in this big bad city and i didn’t. we roamed the citys nooks and corners, drank in dive bars, `smoked dope in a strangers living rooms, had threesomes with pretty girls and were mostly disorderly and bad bad bad.
maybe its karma or something.
one of the things about this fist man i lived with was that he never bought soap, shampoo or conditioner. he would just use mine. and i was poor. and even tho i was poor i still liked ot buy the nice salon kinds of shampoo and conditioner. i needed my mohawk to be silkuy and smooth for fucks sake. it was a mystery to me tho. what did he wash himseflf with before i came along?
to make a short story long… i just let my shampoo and conditioner run out and never brought anymore into the house again. yeah, it was passive agressive of me. but so fucking what? i could wash my hair at the gym.
but so it goes. everyman i have lived with since has done the same thing. why oh why can they not go buy their own fucking shampoo and conditioner.
this one i live with now… when my super fancy expensive stuff starts getting low he will gaze around the bathroom and heave a long heavy sigh. “whatever shall we do?” he wonders aloud.
and then i start screaming in my head.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 17th, 2005 @ 09:39PST
i put on these formerly baggy pants yesterday… they were fresh out of the dryer so i thought the tightness was okay.
this is day 2. and they are still tight.
and if anyone says, “oh you just got married. everyone gains some weight”.
i will kill you.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 14th, 2005 @ 10:06PST
so i went off and got married recently. and that’s, of course, why i am starting to get all het up[ about babies and shit.
people are all up in your business when you get married and i can see that that is even more true when you have a baby. SO MANY people i know are having these things.
so far i have liked all my friends babies quite a bit.
but the things is… my mom gave me a big leacture about how i should be a stay at home mom. last night. for no reason. she just started in onme. and then she rail;ed on everyone else we know who ever once had someone else watch their child for one second.
I WAS A STAY AT HOME MOM. she frothed at me.and i loved every second of it. except for the tediousness boringness of it all.
well whatever!
what i dont get is why everyone insists it has to be done one way.
is it not perfectly clear that everyone makes choices on baby rearing and everything fucking else based on their own circumstances and preferences?
ellie, married. hahahahahaha. it’s funny, no?
love, ellie | 3 Comments »
November 14th, 2005 @ 09:58PST
DO NOT get mad at me when i am mad at you for being shitty.
do you SEE how that does not make sense?
ewll, in a way it does make sense. here is the senario:
you say or do something univeraly recognized as shitty.
i call you out on it and get mad
no one likes to be shitty and so you have a twinge of guilt that you turn into being mad. its like yelling at the messanger.
now that i have worked all that out for you in plain english you can stop doing it now.
thanks fuck-o
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
November 9th, 2005 @ 21:32PST
and chocolate bars and new pairs of jeans before i get serious about a diet? damn. i seriosuly can not fit into my smallest jeans and now i cant fit into my favorite jeans. i think i’ve gained at least 20 pounds. holy fuck. that is so not okay.
but i’m hungry all the time and depressed.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 9th, 2005 @ 21:30PST
charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable charitable
love, ellie | 3 Comments »
November 9th, 2005 @ 20:56PST
i do actaully plan on having a kid someday. in the next couple of years.
what scares me th emost is that like, i fucking hate paying attention to other people. it drains me.
my own mother was the same way. and well i guess i turned out sort of okay. i guess i can stop worrying about that then.
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 9th, 2005 @ 10:39PST
also, i have to say that i just hate and am seriously annoyed by the amount of blogs out there about women who are desperate to haver kids. WTF? why do they have to be baby factories? i have no clue. but like the sheer number of infertile women who spend so much spiritual pain and tear apart themselves and their families because of this. i just DO.NOT.GET.IT. so you find out you cant have a kid. adopt or something. which i know can be super hard. but FUCK. BE a fucking foster parent. that is NOT HARD. any fucko off the street can be one. how about you shut your fucking traps and do some fucking good. you have so much love in you that you need to share it? help a fucking foster kid who is having a fucking shitty ass life. fuck. no really. fuck you you selfish stupid hobags. what? a foster kid isnt a cuddly baby of your own genetic crappy material? well fuck off then. i hope you fall off a cliff and take your whiney husband with you.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
November 9th, 2005 @ 09:42PST
i just really fucking hate it when someone makes a snap desicion or a sweeping descion.
or like, if something didn’t work for them in the past it will never work for them or anyone ever.
do you know how fucking irriting that is? it makes me so mad. how can i fight such an attitude. how can i keep my own individulaity in the face of such an attitude?
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 4th, 2005 @ 23:51PST
are hairdresser and aerobics instructors and the like naturally loud and talkative? or does one become loud and talkative out of boredom if one is an aerobics instructor or hair dresser?
love, ellie | No Comments »
November 4th, 2005 @ 19:54PST
sometimes i write down all my bad thoughts into an open unaddressed email.
then i delete it.
what if i sent them to myself? what if i sent them to the person they were about. what if i posted them here?
then you guys could berat and beat me up even more than i already do for myself.
wouldn’t that be great?
love, ellie | 2 Comments »
November 4th, 2005 @ 19:52PST
but i stopped even considering inviting her over once i realized that she would rather die than have to use my bathroom.
i know i tend ot be messier than most. and i know she tends to be pickier than most.
but please.
so let’s just call this whole thing off.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
November 4th, 2005 @ 08:13PST
my secret theory is that human evolution was not quick enough to keep up with our technological discoveries.
lets get back to basics and start dying of childbirth and churning butter and tending goats..
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
October 18th, 2005 @ 15:48PDT
i spend a lot of time wondering how it is that i am such an asshole. how could anyone one susatinably love me? is it because other people are also just as fucked up as me?
will it be me in a few years calling and begging to sleep on your couch because i just can’t take it anymore?
its all about overstimulation. and personality type.
imagine you are in a small room. a closet sized room. the walls are white and shiney, just a tad reflective. in the room are a crying baby and your work computer.
you have to get your work done and you have to take care of the baby. step one is to make the baby happy, make it stop crying, fill it’s needs. you do it. you turn to your computer. you try to get into it. once you do the baby starts crying again. you soothe it. you turn back to your computer. you can see the babys reflection in the walls from the corner of your eye.youcant stopthinking about the baby. you pick upo the baby again. you cant stop thinking about work. you can see the emails rolling in. there is nothing you can do about it.now imagine that god is in the room with you telling how to do everything. you’re doing it wrong. do it this way. no this way.
love, ellie | 1 Comment »
October 18th, 2005 @ 15:33PDT
“but since then it had been slowly dawning on her that she produced the same effect on others. her entrances were always triumphs; but they had no sequel. as soon as people began to talk they ceased to see her. any sense of insufficiency exasperated her, and she had vague thoughts of cultivating herself, and went so far as to spend a morning in the Louvre and go to one or two lectures by a fashionable philosopher. But though she returned from these expeditions charged with opinion, their expression did not excite the interest she had hoped. her views, if abundant, were confused, and the more she said the more nebulous they seemed to grow. she was disconcerted, moreover, by finding that everybody appeared to know about the things she thought she had discovered, and her comments clearly produced more bewilderment than interest.”
love, ellie | No Comments »
October 13th, 2005 @ 21:16PDT
so i was watching a downloaded clip from one of the girls gone wild series (dorm fantasies or something, i think). figuring the feds are not going to go after me for stealing footage from this jack-off, who i heard is using tits to raise money for hurricane victims… whatever…
anyway i am watching two pretty blondes in a dorm room that they claim to share. the cameraguy asks them if they like each other, etc. and they giggle and start kissing and stripping. he asks if they have ever “played around like this” before, and they giggle and say no and keep kissing and stripping.
i thought the girls gone wild thing was just some guy with a camera making girls flash their tits. which i could probably watch for a while and be entertained, given the supposedly candid nature of it and the ambush element and a varying assortment of breasts to evaluate. that is kind of what i was hoping for, in fact. instead i got a run-of-the-mill porn clip. sigh.
the girls had french manicures and arrow-shaped bikini waxes and belly rings. they had no roots in their bleached blonde hair. they were altogether too eager to eat pussy, which i think it is fair to say has intimidated most of us at least a little on our first trip out.
so maybe he had them practice a few times beforehand? good for him, good for them? or maybe they are wannabe porn stars who think this will be their big break? bad for them, because it won’t be. he is not in the starmaking business and they will probably be paid far less than the girls who work steady for the same video company and have stupid names that sound edible (i hear some of them actually get contracts!).
this whole feeling is sort of like “reality” tv, which we all know is no longer candid or unscripted or unmanipulated. the first few girls gone wild videos must have been sort of like watching the first couple of seasons of the real world, before they started deliberately planting rumors and picking people who would fight with each other and sabotaging relationships to ensure that they did fight and so on.
also it bugged me that neither one of them came, or even pretended to. they simply writhed together, licking and sucking and sitting on each other’s faces and sixty-nining and so on for a while, and then they just stopped doing it. it was truly fucking odd. at which point cameraguy turned off the camera and i am fairly sure tried to talk himself in between them…
i do hope that he did not succeed.
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
October 13th, 2005 @ 21:06PDT
i found the sephora gift card my sister got me for my birthday!!!!
it is like finding free money. better, even – free, SPARKLY money that makes your complexion glow and your shower smell good.
i bought hard candy’s lunch box and pop beauty’s popette palette in naturally popette, and also CARGO wet/dry powder foundation. i am SO over the stupid mineral makeup shit. philosophy has one that i might try later if i am feeling gluttonous…
ugh! makeup is the same thing as hair as career as finances as skill as talent as superstardom!!!
it all goes back to the stupid POTENTIAL thing. i promise to explain, someday soon.
xoxoxo
love, emmie | No Comments »
October 13th, 2005 @ 21:03PDT
to write an entire post about that fucking word potential. i have had a love-hate affair with it since i was but a babe.
love, emmie | No Comments »
October 13th, 2005 @ 21:02PDT
pillar of salt and all that rot.
he called me obsessively the other day. he knew, somehow. it was in the air even though he is so very far far away. i imagine that he was feeling paranoid, having already been dumped once.
i tried to avoid having The Conversation(tm) but in the end it wheedled its way in, like a zigzag stitch on the sleeves of those sweaters i like at j. crew. he opened the door by telling me about how the last person promised and didn’t deliver and now it was too late, and that he would have been cool with it had he only known from the start (ahem – your line is?)
i swear to you he was waiting for me to say it. does he read us?? improbable. not impossible i suppose…
i tried to be diplomatic and honest and i tried to point out how he believes in me so much that it is really hard to turn away at all, for any reason. he declared some of my issues irrelevant and said that i was at 30% of my potential. my real reason he proclaimed an excuse that i was hiding behind. he was not once rude or malicious or angry or mean. he was sad and honest about it.
i felt like pond scum for about 24 hours. then my real life picked up a wiffleball bat and thwapped the back of my head, hard. and i slept like a baby after that.
love, emmie | No Comments »
October 11th, 2005 @ 07:41PDT
a while back i spent a huge amount of money (200-ish) on a pair of jeans. and it was well worth it. they are just so cute and stylish.
and more recently i spent a lesser amount (around 70-ish) on jeans but still kinda a lot. and that was also well worth it. calvin klien and ralph lauren make good jeans these days! One pairs is a size too big. but i really needed a baggy super comfy pair of jeans so they are perfect. both are a good length.
also i have a pair of (30$) cheap jeans from old navy. they are pretty good too.
no more jeans for me.
love, ellie | No Comments »
October 6th, 2005 @ 19:59PDT
i love him, i do. but he has. got. to. stop.
how in the hell do you spend this long with someone before you realize how fucking different they are than you thought? how is it that someone close to you told you so YEARS ago and you pooh-poohed them, but now you see that they were right all along (which kills you by the way because they are an aries and they like to gloat a lot)?
i want to be there for him, but being there for him does not preclude taking care of me and mine. isn’t that my first priority? someone i used to know would say it is not the christian thing to do but let me point out that i think god had something besides a doormat in mind when he said to turn the other cheek. of course his plan included his son’s submission to the point of death, so maybe i am wrong.
basically he wants from me something that i do not have to give him. i have tried so diplomatically for a very long time to explain this to him, but he is not practiced in taking no for an answer, so he keeps messing it up. which means i basically have to go against my personal nature and be blunt and rude to get my point across. GOD i hate confrontation of any kind, even feared confrontation which may not actually exist or come to pass. just the thought of having this discussion makes my stomach quiver a little like i need a shot of mylanta.
there is the ‘be honest’ camp which assures me that because he is worth his salt he will understand. total honesty means me saying I DON’T WANT TO, NOW STOP ASKING ME which will make me feel like complete ass for short-term. this will also possibly make him feel like ass for longer-term which i could not bear really. and thus the relationship fractures.
there is the ‘be supportive’ camp which tells me that i need to give him what he wants regardless of the fact that i don’t want to. although i sort of can’t even afford to really, in both emotional and financial senses, he would do it for me. wouldn’t he? hasn’t he? but wait! i never asked him to… EVER. also this will make him feel great short-term and i will feel like twice-baked ass for long long term. and once he finds out that i never wanted to do it to begin with he will feel like deep-fried ass (at which point all we need is to drag down a third and we can have a nice appetizing ass sampler, maybe a bloomin’ ass or some spicy buffalo ass or some onion ass with horseradish sauce). and thus the relationship fractures.
i think it ends the same way, which means i can only really change the ride getting there. and i prefer the path of least agita. (mylanta & co. might advise me otherwise)
i also need to say that i have real trouble lately leaving work at work. it follows me home and sneaks up behind me to yell BOO when i am getting out of the shower at night. it is hard to stop saying diplomatic and tactful things to people that you really know when you have a job in PR.
sigh.
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
October 6th, 2005 @ 19:45PDT
fuckers!!!!!
i came here to write not to delete ten pages of fucking m-o-r-t-g-a-g-e advertisements!!!
garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
love, emmie | No Comments »
September 27th, 2005 @ 05:42PDT
what do you do when
that ache just won’t go away
kiss me already
love, jane | 2 Comments »
September 16th, 2005 @ 21:45PDT
okay, sheercover vs. bare escentuals, title fight.
round one: the brushes
bareminerals has this unbelievably soft and plump kabuki brush called ‘full coverage’. also another brush called ‘flawless face’. what works well is to use the flawless one for the foundation and the other one for the mineral veil (=translucent powder). there is also a really firm small brush for applying concealer to trouble spots (have not used that yet as i don’t have trouble spots, just a trouble face).
sheercover comes with a travel brush which you can scoop (included) the foundation or finishing powder into. then you can drop it in your purse and uncap the brush, which is fed the powder from inside its hollow handle. did that make sense? i think it’s a great idea, too bad there is only one. however the regular brush (only one for powder and foundation) literally SHED all over my face. so i spent ten minutes plucking brush hair off my supposedly flawless face… really really uncool.
winner: bareminerals
round two: the makeup
bareminerals has powder foundation in two tones and mineral veil (translucent). sheercover comes with both of these plus a dual tone concealer which goes on first. much better coverage from sheercover, but bareminerals needs less frequent blotting.
also the bareminerals foundation went on spotty at first, i guess because i did not know how much to tap off and how much to concentrate in one spot on my face, etc. it got easier after a few uses but is still hit or miss. the sheercover foundation went on with no complications.
the thing i hate about them both is that since they are loose powders, it gets really messy and i am nervous about wasting whatever i tap into the lid but don’t use since i know i lose some trying to put it back in the little jar. i usually dress first to avoid pulling my shirt over my face with makeup on (staining the collar) but in this case i wind up brushing little powder spots off my shirt after makeup application anyway…
winner: sheercover (?i guess)
round three: the startup kit
both kits contain instructional dvds (good god, did i just write that? what has makeup come to…?) and some type of facial cleanser. sheercover also includes an spf 15 moisturizer (this could also induce blotting). the bareminerals kit includes “warmth” which is basically a bronzer that sheercover sells separately (have not used it yet, it purports to be for lips, cheeks, and eyes all in one jar).
i ordered bareminerals online and after like three days they wrote me a letter(!!) to tell me there was not enough information to complete my order… i only filled in the form THEY gave me online…? i got annoyed and drove to sephora to buy it. there was light/medium/dark in the starter kit, so i got light. the two shades of foundation are both too dark for my skin. i think they have something lighter but it is sold separately…. grrr. starter kit was $60.00. unsure about money-back guarantee when sold retail. they have annoying club autoshipments when you buy online but not in the store.
i ordered sheercover online and after like two days it was in my hands(!!!). starter kit was $36-ish including shipping and tax. they have annoying club autoshipments when you buy at all (phone or online).
winner: sheercover
so… i am at a loss here. today i used sheercover with the bareminerals brushes. that was just day one. the chick at sephora raved about bareminerals but i don’t see it… sheercover is cheaper, but maybe with bareminerals you are paying for the brush quality?? whatever… i am too tired for this.
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
September 16th, 2005 @ 21:25PDT
i am reading the kite runner right now. i am too lazy to post an amazon link. or to get up and look at it so i can give you the author’s name. about a quarter of the way in, and it just got really intense… i really do enjoy his writing style. boy hated it.
boy: that thing reads like someone’s diary!
me: um. it’s called ‘first person narrative’, look into it.
boy: i know, i hate those kind of books.
me: you have never read one first person narrative novel that you enjoyed?
boy: nope.
me: *never*??
boy: see previous statement.
so it is now my mission in life to find out what he has read and find one that was first person that he did in fact enjoy. this is the part where you wonder if i have too much free time (answer of course being no, i just have really fucked up priorities).
that movie sahara was good even though i don’t really dig penelope cruz at all. but i love the other two, and a good william h. macy cameo goes a long way with me. (you will be glad to know i finally saw fargo and i am of the variety that loved it.)
i bought a supercute monthly/weekly planner. it is obnoxiously girly and spiral-bound. will look cute on my desk (or anywhere). i also bought a business book and i’m not even planning to bill the company for it… am fidgety and nervous and postponing writing my presentation for monday.
it is proving tough to find a used beetle for cheap that isn’t circa 1970s. even a jetta or a passat would do at this point… the blue book values are so freaking high!! the hunt continues…
love, emmie | 1 Comment »
September 10th, 2005 @ 00:09PDT
i want to get another tattoo and am eyeing a zodiac rune. here is my problem, nice reader.
my sun sign is one thing. i am totally not a typical one of my sign because my rising sign, my moon (emotions), and my signature are all in a completely different sign. my horoscope for that sign is usually way more accurate.
so if i get the rune for my sun sign, i feel like i am misrepresenting myself to have personality traits which i do not have. if i get the other sign, i feel more honestly represented until someone asks my birthday and figures out what sign i am… i don’t want to lie and say i am a sign that i’m not. but i don’t want to admit to getting a tattoo representing a sign other than my sun sign, since that is all most people know of astrology.
also, if i tattoo it at the base of my hairline on the back of my neck, do you think they will have to cut any of my hair or just shave my neck a little?
love, emmie | 6 Comments »
September 10th, 2005 @ 00:05PDT
the hummer has become unwieldy given the recent scary spike in gas prices.
okay, it was unwieldy all along.
i am trading it in for a volkswagen beetle. yes, you heard right. don’t worry, it will be some awesome color like lime green with pink flames or something.
anyway, i have to do this, otherwise i cannot afford the timeshare i just bought.
love, emmie | 2 Comments »
September 9th, 2005 @ 23:51PDT
i. love. sephora.
i went in there the other day and spent $150 on crap i do not need. the bare escentuals kit for $60 was my main goal (review later). i also found tarte’s clean slate and philosophy’s present, both pre-makeup prep products. they make your skin soooo smooth, but present takes longer to set. i had my accountant set up a separate bank account and budget plan to enable me to purchase every single one of their adorable cosmetic bags and organizers.
however it was an odd bit of info (originally heard on the radio last year) that led to my totally unnecessary purchase of philosophy’s pumpkin pie shower gel/shampoo/conditioner in one. from eat your way to a spicier sex life at webmd:
In a study that looked at what scents stimulated sexual arousal, Hirsch found every food aroma they tested triggered a sexual response in men, and some foods had more dramatic effects than others.
“For example, cheese pizza increased penile blood flow by 5%, buttered popcorn by 9%, and lavender and pumpkin pie by 40%,” Hirsch tells WebMD. [...] In comparison, floral perfume only prompted a 3% increase in blood flow to the penis among men. Among women, the smell of men’s cologne actually lowered blood flow to the vagina.
as shampoo-conditioner products go, it isn’t bad for regular hair. my hair is unfortunately particularly thirsty and requires a separate deep conditioner to behave even a little bit. but it smells awesome, and the scent lingers subtly on your skin for hours. so he would have to be REALLY close (ahem) to catch it. no word yet on whether it drives the dogs crazy.
shyeah, because i need for boy to try to jump me even more often…
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September 9th, 2005 @ 23:31PDT
i have donated to the red cross and plan to give blood soon too
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September 9th, 2005 @ 23:30PDT
the standard disclaimer applies here in that this is not normally my thing (politics etc). i am neither republican nor democrat; i am neither liberal nor conservative; i am neither ignorant nor activist. but i do come from the south and here are some things that have been burning inside my head about the hurricane katrina thing. feel free to skip this post. also i will not be drawn into a debate about it, so don’t bother to try.
i do not blame anyone for the bad weather. it’s nature, what are you gonna do? i do however blame anyone and everyone involved in disaster planning at the city, state, and federal level. they should all be fired. the fact that the superdome was their big ace in the hole and they didn’t bother to stock it with anything is absolutely fucking absurd.
i am glad michael brown got the boot though it is sad it took such a colossal failure to accomplish this. the man should have stayed in his horse association and politely declined bush’s nomination. he should also be flogged with something painful for several hours because he admitted on international television that FEMA was unaware that there were people in the convention center for three days.
the mayor’s position is a valid one. but his public speaking skills leave much to be desired. and i don’t care if it IS the most incompetent president i can remember, you do not inspire your constituents by going to the media and telling him to get offa his ass or to get his ass on a plane (please refer to playbook of disaster management by rudolph giuliani).
speaking of giuliani, if that man does not run for president i think i will cry. i will also vote for him if he runs for prime minister, king, or american idol.
i do not know if sean penn really helped pull people from the waters or if it was a publicity thing. but i hope he was serious (probably, seeing how he is just crazy enough to do something like that).
it seems odd to me that the media could get anywhere they wanted to go, but rescue workers and troops could not. is it because the media was in the way? did the media not really go anywhere at all?
i agree that dead bodies should NOT be shown randomly on newspapers and television. not because it is gross, but out of respect because those people have relatives too. and it would suck to find out your grandmother’s fate that way, you know?
i do not in the least blame the residents who stayed because they wanted to, thinking it would be just another storm. after going through 12+ hurricanes each year (”K” is the 11th letter of the alphabet, and there are still nearly three months left of hurricane season this year) you get kind of immune to the warnings. like that period of time after 9/11 when the terror alert level vacillated between high and really high (don’t ask me about colors) for several months… after a while, it ceased to be alarming, and i would not have evacuated my house if they’d told me they’d found a bomb factory next door. this is even more true with weather, which has a notorious habit of, um, changing.
i feel that although bush’s show after the tsunami was not up to par, his show after katrina was even worse. which makes me angry, because these are americans.
i am clinging to the hope that the people crying racism are wrong, wrong, wrong. i think it is much less a function of race and much more a function of class. also i think that bush is so worried about his foreign policy that he cannot pay attention to his domestic policy. either that or he STILL has not figured out what to do and say (see the part where he calls in daddy and clinton, AGAIN, to say comforting things to the public).
one of the reasons i love jon stewart (please marry me, ahem) is that he points things out that i did not think of myself. for instance, the feds are really quick to use legal loopholes and invoke special powers to override state authority when it suits them (terry schiavo, gay marriage, etc). but when americans are dying and babies need clean water and the elderly need medication and all of them need company and comfort, the feds have to wait for an engraved invitation from the governor of the state. and the governor doesn’t have one pre-printed and stamped on the bedside table just in case!
i wish that i knew who the guy is that told dick cheney on live television to go fuck himself this week. maybe he has an amazon wish list. i would send presents because he deserves them.
okay, i think i am done. we now return to our regularly scheduled social lethargy and neurotic paranoia.
love, emmie | 2 Comments »